Re: Prognostication

1

Twins, zydeco music, and yams.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:20 PM
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Asteroid strike.


Posted by: Makko | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:21 PM
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I predict...
...The Big Three automakers will be bought out by India's Tata Motors
...Somali pirates will establish a pirate republic characterized by democracy and tolerance
...Michelle Bachmann will declare that Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ on national television
...The Sinaloa Cartel will patch things up with the Gulf Cartel, and officially take over the duties of the Mexican federal government
...Obama will fly to Havana and establish detente with the Castro regime


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:23 PM
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Sinkholes, earwigs, and Labrador.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:26 PM
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Locusts, pfisteria, and CHUD.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:27 PM
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Mole men will attack the capital through the National Mall, exploiting the weakness of the sod there.


Posted by: Gabriel | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:27 PM
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Whoa. I wrote mole men, but then backspaced and replaced it CHUD just before posting.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:29 PM
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That sod in the White House's weakness has been exploited already.


Posted by: Glenn Reynolds | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:29 PM
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So it's settled: mole men. I do think that minneapolitan's predictions are looking pretty likely, too.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:43 PM
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In what way did Obama "face" piracy? He just had the Navy kill some malnourished teenagers.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:43 PM
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In what way did Obama "face" piracy? He just had the Navy kill some malnourished teenagers.

In that way.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:45 PM
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I realize it would be more badass if Obama and Crockett went to Havana on a cigarette boat, but the Secret Service would probably object on some grounds or other.


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:51 PM
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He just had the Navy kill some malnourished teenagers.

Isn't that what Jefferson did? I guess that was the Marines.


Posted by: Gabriel | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:53 PM
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14

Nazi zombies
Michele Bachmann going on a gun rampage


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 4:54 PM
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What are your guesses for where this random year will go?

The Democrats will inexplicably have more trouble pushing their big initiatives through the Senate (where they hold 60 seats) than the Republicans following the 2002 elections (when they held only 51 seats).


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:00 PM
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14: Yes, this accurately describes Minnesota's Sixth Congressional District. Now what's your prediction?


Posted by: minneapolitan | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:00 PM
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12: racist.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:00 PM
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I can't wait until Bachmann is Al Franken's opponent in the next Senate race. Bachmann versus Keith Ellison would be equally good.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:02 PM
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1. cuba thaw
2. massive national security crisis
3. ???


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:23 PM
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4. Profit!


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:34 PM
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This could become a big problem for the Democrats. Biden's brother and son associated with Ponzi schemers.

Or perhaps it won't.


Posted by: James B. Shearer | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:34 PM
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1. throw billions more at Wall Street
2. ???
3. profit!


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:34 PM
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rob, you ruined my comment. Apologize.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:35 PM
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Sorry Brock.

JBS: "The vice president's brother" is too obscure to hurt the party.

On the other hand, Biden is loaded with connections to big finance scumbags, what with having been the credit card industry's voice in the Senate. I'd be happy to see him get some payback.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:40 PM
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H5N1 now they say WHO
and piracy are pretty mild sounding events, perhaps
when in Iraq that sectarian violence was going on, i really was like afraid to read daily news


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 5:44 PM
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The RIAA will unleash a virus that attacks file-sharing sites, leading to an outbreak of pirate flu.


Posted by: Criminally Bulgur | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:01 PM
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Scandal when it's discovered that the member of the administration who got swine flu in Mexico deliberately licked Republican House members' doorknobs to get them sick too.

Pakistani women and girls 20 deep at the embassies to try to get asylum in the U.S. as the Taliban takes over more of the country.


Posted by: PGofHSM | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:03 PM
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He just had the Navy kill some malnourished teenagers.

Fuck 'em. Getting shot (or hanged) is a recognized occupational hazard of being a pirate and has been for some time.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:03 PM
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29

Apocalypse.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:04 PM
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30

29: Now???


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:06 PM
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I wish people would stop talking about swine flu. This week I'm dealing with the usual bad spring allergies, plus headaches and lack of sufficient sleep, which feels awfully flu-like when people keep mentioning the flu. Maybe it is! Maybe I'm infecting everyone! I fly to the opposite coast in a couple of days. That'll be fun.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:06 PM
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1. Swine flu will be followed by mole flu, the most obvious symptoms of which will be squinting and the urge to dig tunnels;

2. Michele Bachman will be kidnapped by Somali pirates, who will discover that no one wants her back enough to contribute to the ransom;

3. Eric Holder will get off his ass and prosecute a variety of people. Dick Cheney will leave the country to avoid prison time and settle in the UAE, where he will act as an "intensive interrogation" consultant;

4. Heebie's Beebie will be revealed as Unfogged's new mascot and take her rightful place on the masthead.


Posted by: DominEditrix | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:08 PM
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30: Maybe in a couple of months.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:16 PM
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Cthulhu assumes Joe Biden's bodily form. Or vice versa.


Posted by: bill | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:38 PM
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Inflation


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:47 PM
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Deflation


Posted by: Pump | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:49 PM
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Reflation


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 6:59 PM
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Constipation


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:00 PM
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transubstantiation.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:04 PM
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Heebie's Beebie will be revealed as Unfogged's new mascot and take her rightful place on the masthead.

As long as the actual masthead image isn't replaced. Gosh I like that thing. Makes me miss ogged sometimes.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:10 PM
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We don't even tamper with the sidebar links. I think the masthead is safe.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:15 PM
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Not so...I noticed recently that the Matthew Yglesias link now goes to the Matthew Yglesias blog. Maybe someday the Kevin Drum link will go to the Kevin Drum blog.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:18 PM
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1. Someone will reverse-engineer the penis
2. I don't have any prognosticating, I just wanted you to know that.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:19 PM
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Dick Cheney will leave the country to avoid prison time and settle in the UAE, where he will act as an "intensive interrogation" consultant

And will be paid a very good hourly rate by masochistic sheiks with very complicated fantasies.


Posted by: widget | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:24 PM
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It'd be awesome if y'all left the sidebar blog list/names the same, but made the links go to the blogs y'all actually read. It is only the appearance that matters, right?


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:26 PM
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46

||

I am so glad we figured out how to put the beebie in a sling. She hated the simple loop of fabric one, but sleeps soundly in the two-yards-of-fabric confusing one. It's so nice to have my hands free.

|>


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:41 PM
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47

DC invaded by seasteadng libertarians.


Posted by: gonerill | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:44 PM
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45: No! It is not! Uh, actually, that would be just weird, Megan. I don't even know what you're talking about. Not that I have any power over this anyway.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:46 PM
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45's It is only the appearance that matters, right?

to

39's transubstantiation.

That is, I think what you see on the front page are the accidents, and where the links actually go is the substance. Or is it the other way around?


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 7:56 PM
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To the OP, for the next year: increasing numbers of local/regional mishaps in the homeland, if you will, whether those be natural disasters or infrastructure failures.

This will call for FEMA intervention which may or may not be up to the task, and all sorts of issues about just who else is involved in emergency management. Whether or not that kind of thing goes down in the next year, Obama's going to have to address the current mess that is our emergency management procedure.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 8:08 PM
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43.1:

The really beautiful thing about evolutionary psychology is that you don't have to believe it's true for it to work precisely this way.

Indeed.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 8:21 PM
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I predict that Souter will retire from the court. Soon.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 8:38 PM
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43.1:

If you've ever had a good, long look at the human phallus, whether yours or someone else's, you've probably scratched your head over with such a peculiarly shaped device.

Well, yes, but I don't see your point.


Posted by: J-Dub | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 8:47 PM
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The article linked in 43.1 is beautiful to behold. The notion of "upsucking" deserves praise.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 8:51 PM
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The theory described in the article seems plausible enough as these things go, but I never know how seriously to take this sort of research.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 8:53 PM
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55: I don't think it matters. It's a very nice, neat, certainly quite plausible theory with little to no practical import.* Your remark in 51 was spot on.

* Unless one wants to worry that one's (heterosexual) partner's serious and absorbed deep thrusting is motivated just by, you know, the selfish gene. Evolutionary psychology on this level strips us of agency, which is one damned good reason we wish to resist it.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:06 PM
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H1, H5N1 is avian
stupid brain, can't hold any numbers


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:06 PM
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The notion of "upsucking" deserves praise.

I think this means the article got parsimon all hot and bothered, but I'm not entirely sure.

That article is as annoying as everything else written in the same vein. Describe some plausible mechanism, but not really work through many of the implications, even the obvious ones. Why are only human penises shaped like this, given that the behaviors purported to have led to it are widespread among mammals? Are we to believe that a man's predilection for "going deep" on a partner's return is genetic (even supposing that such a predilection exists)?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:11 PM
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I wouldn't spend much time getting all hot and bothered by the article, Brock.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:18 PM
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Based on the comments, it makes me really sad that I can't read the article in 43.1. (Why won't it load? I do not know).

As for my prediction, there will be a plague of ponies (delayed wish fulfillment - Obama was just the tip of the iceberg).


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:19 PM
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It won't load for me either.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:20 PM
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I had it open and read the first page, but I could not subsequently go to the second page (nor back to the first now). I conclude that I broke it by reading very deeply.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:28 PM
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I don't think it matters. It's a very nice, neat, certainly quite plausible theory with little to no practical import.

Agreed. But I agree with this too:

That article is as annoying as everything else written in the same vein. Describe some plausible mechanism, but not really work through many of the implications, even the obvious ones.

This is what I meant by not knowing how seriously to take this. The article itself is a pop-science summary, so I'm willing to believe at least some of the problems with follow-through are due to omission on the part of the columnist, but on the other hand the columnist seems to be an evolutionary psychologist himself, so I would expect him to at least mention some of the implications of the theory for other issues. Instead there's just this sort of gee-whiz tone. It makes me wonder just what's in these articles in scholarly ev-psych journals that articles like this talk about so breathlessly.

Why are only human penises shaped like this, given that the behaviors purported to have led to it are widespread among mammals?

This question, for example, was one of the first things to occur to me when I started reading the article, and indeed the beginning of the article seems to pose it more or less directly. With that sort of beginning, I was expecting some discussion of what the theory says about the issue, but there was nothing about it, just a detailed description of the experiment and an assertion that everyone who read the write-up found it convincing. I suppose there's some sort of case that could be made that general evolutionary principles make questions like this less important than they seem at first, but if so that case needs to be made rather than assumed.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:29 PM
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60, 61: Um. It basically says that the ridge at the base of the head of the human penis is for sucking out, or scooping out, any other guy's sperm that might be in there, in order to inject its own. Oh, and that the length of the human penis is for getting in there deep enough to do that.

Groovy, eh?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:29 PM
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I couldn't go from the first page to the second at first, but then I tried again and it worked.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:29 PM
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Geez, we're the only species with smart brains, can't we be the only species with smart cocks as well?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:32 PM
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60, 61: Um. It basically says that the ridge at the base of the head of the human penis is for sucking out, or scooping out, any other guy's sperm that might be in there, in order to inject its own. Oh, and that the length of the human penis is for getting in there deep enough to do that.

AND the width! Is critical! To fill the vagina, which is required for "upsucking". I thought that was your favorite part of the article.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:33 PM
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Thanks, parsimon.

I'm so tempted to make inappropriate comments right now.

I'll limit myself to scientific speculation, though. As far as my understanding goes, at least some mammals (cats in particular) have a barbed penis, which rips the flesh of the female cat, making her less likely to have sex again with another male. It doesn't seem unlikely that the human penis might be "engineered" in a similar fashion.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:36 PM
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67: Brock, are you denying that the word "upsuck" is funny and original?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:36 PM
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Oh, and did you all see the article in the NYT a rather long time ago about the duck penis? They're insane.

It doesn't seem in any way revolutionary to suggest that the human penis and vagina evolved together, and that the male would want to establish primacy over other males. I think I need to read the article for myself.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:38 PM
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It's old hat, parsi. See also here. I've not heard it used in exactly the way it's used in this article, but it's the same basic idea.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:40 PM
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It doesn't seem in any way revolutionary to suggest that the human penis and vagina evolved together, and that the male would want to establish primacy over other males.

It isn't.

I think I need to read the article for myself.

When you do you'll see that the highlight is really the description of the experimental design. Which, admittedly, is pretty entertaining.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:40 PM
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70: no, of course it's not revolutionary, although some explanation or the mechanism by which they evolved together and separated us from all our close ancestors would be helpful. Or at least an acknowledgment of the question.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:42 PM
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71: Oh, damn. Foiled again. Well, okay, it's also hot. And the whole thing is entertaining.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:47 PM
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Also missing from most descriptions of this sort of research is any mention of the proposed chronology of these developments. Obviously absolute timing is not usually going to be possible, but some attempt to determine at what point during the process of evolutionary separation of hominids from other apes the conditions favoring the development of the human penis obtained would be helpful. The social and sexual dynamics implied by this theory, for instance, sound a lot more like those documented among some other apes than like any ethnographically known human society.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:50 PM
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is really the description of the experimental design.

I was wondering about that.....


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:50 PM
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I've spent rather too much time wondering about the

human ejaculate is expelled with great force and considerable distance (up to two feet if not contained)

bit. How was "up to two feet" measured? Did they really test many examples and find that the distribution falls off sharply by two feet? Is this purely horizontal distance, or upward vertical distance, or what?


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:51 PM
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(The latter is really implausible, I think. But horizontal distances can be much larger, and I don't think it's just a matter of also allowing a vertical drop. But, um, I'll stop thinking about this now.)


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:52 PM
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77: Oh pish, essear. I'm sure there are previous studies clearly establishing the 2-foot benchmark. You can't expect people to reestablish every little thing. Science would never get done that way.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 9:56 PM
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77: I was under the impression that male adolescents had made a pretty thorough study of this.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:01 PM
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80: IME such studies don't typically address the "if not contained" issue.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:05 PM
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I've read talk about a recent cuteification of the SA, which was already somewhat cuteified. Curses.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:07 PM
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Two feet sounds plausible, although I'm not sure how you'd establish the "up to" part. I've hit myself in the face before (at pretty high velocity), and that's ~ 2 feet or so, I think, although I haven't measured.


Posted by: John Adams | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:09 PM
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80: Or, you could watch large amounts of porn, and calculate the average distance.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:15 PM
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84: You'd want the maximum, not the average, though.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:16 PM
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83: Indeed, it's surely velocity we need to be talking about. All those other species just dribble their sperm out, you see. The shapes of their parts, and their sexual behaviors, are all part and parcel of this. You've seen those oceanographic documentaries, haven't you, where the creatures just lazily spit things out to drift randomly? Well, it works for them.

(I'm becoming silly now. Off to bed.)


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:18 PM
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84/85: And there's usually another person in the way, isn't there? I don't watch a lot of porn, but I don't recall much shooting for distance in what I've seen.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:18 PM
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80: I have heard that certain considerations would require you to extrapolate the full unimpeded distance if you chose that method.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:19 PM
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88 to 84 not 80. Which was already posted too late anyway (I commented a lot as a kid.)


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:20 PM
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Mine only actually shoots, rather than dribbles, maybe 10% of the time. 2 feet sounds otherworldly. Obviously when you have a gigantic cock like mine, there's a lot of accumulated friction or resistance by the time it reaches the exit. So its momentum is greatly dampened.


Posted by: Wilfrid Laurier | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:23 PM
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80: It's memories of adolescent scholarly pursuits in this matter that led me to think two feet is an underestimate, though as teo says such studies usually attempted to, as it were, contain the object of study to a more limited scope rather than considering its most far-flung possibilities.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:26 PM
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GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN: Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.

From a commenter at snopes. Originally found in this interesting looking book Sperm Counts. Overcome By Man's Most Precious Fluid., but the author cites "several unsubstantiated reports on websites".


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:27 PM
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92: Do we know how this was documented?


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:30 PM
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93: Always the historian.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:32 PM
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Always the historian.

Never the history.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:36 PM
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I don't know, Parenthetical could have been there for some of those documented occurrences.


Posted by: Cryptic ned\ | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:38 PM
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So far I am finding *many* "unsubstantiated reports on websites", but if the original report or extra information is out there, it is obscured by the volume of mentions.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:38 PM
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In principle, assuming comparable velocity, one would expect the horizontal and vertical distances to be related to one another, right? I would expect one could calculate the air resistance from one of those numbers and then use the other as a cross-check. If one were really bored. I'm not quite that bored at the moment.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:40 PM
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I don't know, Parenthetical could have been there for some of those documented occurrences.

If so, wouldn't she know if they were documented?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:41 PM
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Someone needs to calculate the air speed velocity of an unswallowed load.


Posted by: estnetroh | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:49 PM
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I can guarantee you I was not there. And that taken together, 94 and 95 are far too apt.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:49 PM
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94 and 95 are far too apt

However, it should be noted that you do seem to have a consistency of interest in certain other topics.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:55 PM
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Correct link.


Posted by: eb | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:56 PM
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And now I'm even more embarrassed!

I was embarrassed for one of my students who came up to me after I gave a lecture on the history of the pornography industry and was clearly trying to show off his knowledge of porn, in a less than intellectual way. I don't need to know these things about my students!


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 10:59 PM
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104: trying to show off his knowledge of porn, in a less than intellectual way.

IYKWIMAITYD


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 11:26 PM
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In principle, assuming comparable velocity, one would expect the horizontal and vertical distances to be related to one another, right?

The assumption of constant muzzle velocity is questionable; besides, the masses probably differ.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 04-30-09 11:29 PM
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OT: There'll be a lot of marriages today.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:08 AM
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Here, that is.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:09 AM
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107: You're in the Netherlands, right? Why will there be a lot of marriages? Marriage for teh gays is already legal, so I assume it's not that.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:18 AM
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When I was a kid, May Day was a sort of boy-girl flirting holiday, with maybaskets etc. Not a labor holiday. It's a spring festival compared in wiki to Beltane or Walpurgis Night.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:23 AM
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Wiki:

In Oxford, it is traditional for revellers to gather below Magdalen College tower to listen to the college's choir for what is called May Morning. It is then thought to be traditional for some Oxford University students to jump off Magdalen Bridge into the River Cherwell. However this has actually only been fashionable since the 1970s. In recent years the bridge has been closed on 1 May to prevent people from jumping, as the water under the bridge is only 2 feet (61 cm) deep and jumping from the bridge has resulted in serious injury in the past yet there are still Oxford Univeristy students who insist on climbing the barriers and leaping into the water, causing injury.

They've been admitting dummies into Oxford, probably affirmative action. Soon enough it will be entirely dry under the bridge and they'll still be jumping. The english cling to their traditions.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:26 AM
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112

Is Weman in the Netherlands? I thought he was in Sweden.

In recent years the bridge has been closed on 1 May to prevent people from jumping, as the water under the bridge is only 2 feet (61 cm) deep and jumping from the bridge has resulted in serious injury in the past yet there are still Oxford Univeristy students who insist on climbing the barriers and leaping into the water, causing injury.

Natural selection.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:30 AM
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...a lascivious young orangutan that liked to insert his penis in just about anything with a hole, which unfortunately one day included my ear.

My job has its hazards, but from now on I will thank god every day that it doesn't include being ear-fucked by a great ape.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:30 AM
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114

113: You didn't get turned on by the idea?

Me neither.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:44 AM
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115

Not a labor holiday.

Just another lie from the ruling class, John. Start 'em young.


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 6:45 AM
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Awhile back I read about a guy whose father was a labor militant who had a labor baptism which was reported in the New York Times.

The story gets much more bizarre. The baby, Herrlee Glassner Creel, Jr., grew up to be a leading Sinologist, and I was quite familiar with him as such. I assumed that he was German emigre.

But recently when I was reading about Minnesota political history I found a left political leader named Herrlee Glassner Creel. I couldn't believe it was the same guy, but it couldn't be an accident either, not with a name like that.

I was actually going nuts until I found out the answer -- father and son. There was also a Trotskyist Creel in the third generation and an orthodox Democratic Creel who was more distantly related involved in politics at the same time as the elder H.G.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 7:03 AM
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I should add that the father was a militant member of the Bookbinders Union. Obviously one tough hombre.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 7:05 AM
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There were a fair number of drunks outside the pubs this morning, presumably May Day revellers who'd been up all night.

re: 112

Yeah, horrific injuries some years, by all accounts. Double compound fractures, etc.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 7:08 AM
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119

Gay marriage legal as of today.

Also, I see the governments brief lead in the polls seems to be over, knock on wood.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 7:22 AM
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Sweden is probably funner than Iowa as a gay marriage place.

The famous gay American blogger living in Sweden is in Barcelona today, though. But his April 03 entry does mention his marriage plans.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 7:32 AM
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Is Weman in the Netherlands? I thought he was in Sweden.

Ah, that would explain things.

Grattis allesammans!


Posted by: Sir Kraab | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 7:52 AM
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There'll be a lot of marriages today.

There's also this [musical and NSFW], which, really, has nothing to do with that.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 8:37 AM
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123

120: The nameless pop star Francis sometimes mentions hanging around with is Robyn.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 8:52 AM
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122: Youtube is blocked at work, but I'm betting you linked to Jonathan Coulton, right?

Good times. Did you link to the WoW version of it? If not, someone should.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:02 AM
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First of May, machinima edition.


Posted by: beamish | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:11 AM
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126

It doesn't seem in any way revolutionary to suggest that the human penis and vagina evolved together, and that the male would want to establish primacy over other males.

this is the ev psych bait and switch -- make some inoccuous reference to the existence of evolution, then use it to smuggle in some outrageously far-fetched just so story. Do we think that the original evolutionary environment involved women being gang-raped on a regular basis, or might it have been closer to the serial monogamy with occasional cheating we observe in every human culture ever anywhere? And if it's serial monogamy with occasional cheating, exactly how many times in a life would the ability to "scoop out" another males sperm have made a real reproductive difference? Bear in mind you'd have to have sex with a woman within hours of the last guy to have this come in handy.


Posted by: PGD | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:20 AM
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re: 123

She's been on UK TV a few times and seems fairly quirky.* I suppose 'Konichiwa Bitches' should already have made that fairly obvious.

* on 'Never Mind the Buzzcocks' and the like, I mean, not singing ...


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:21 AM
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Weird, I knew there were a couple hit songs by "Robyn" 12 years ago, but hadn't heard of her since then. They just seemed like generic dance-pop songs with a generic name attached to them.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:28 AM
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re: 128

Yeah, she had some hits years ago. Her new stuff is very different.

'Konichiwa Bitches' is great, as is 'Every Heartbeat'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd4Su5qmf1o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vfLvZCdT9g

The latter was a huge hit here in the UK.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:34 AM
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you'd have to have sex with a woman within hours of the last guy to have this come in handy

Ah, my first time...


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:43 AM
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The Daily Show used Robyn's crib to demonstrate that Sweden is a socialist nightmare.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:45 AM
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Apparently Mother nature wants women to have sex with several men in quick succession, and has left the men to fend for themselves.

The animal kingdom has an enormous diversity of penises -- contrary to what the story says, human penises are not unusual, but just one of many distinct types. The explanation here of the human penis is on a par with the way zoologists explain the various mamallian and bird penises. Penisology is a thriving field.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:46 AM
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This seems like it takes the scientific consensus away from intraejaculate sperm selection, and towards intERejaculate sperm selection.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:47 AM
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126: And important background to this is that human female sexuality is really different from other primates (as well as other mammals) - no "heat," no outward signs of fertility, continual sexual "availability"*. This putative adaptation would make much more sense in a chimp or baboon, where the whole group knows that Female X is in heat/fertile, and therefore there's a narrow window for fertilization. Simply not the case with humans, and last I read, this is believed to have been the case going back quite some time.

* term used with utmost care - it's in the literature


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:48 AM
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term used with utmost care - it's in the literature

We all know that any smutty thing can be a "text", but don't you think "literature" is a bridge too far?


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:53 AM
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Yeah, yeah. Women were designed to be faithful to one man -- me.

Give it up, guys. They're supposed to be screwing their brains out. You can't beat Mother Nature.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 9:54 AM
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closer to the serial monogamy with occasional typical cheating we observe in every human culture ever anywhere

fixed that for you.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 10:08 AM
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There's always the possibility that the penile evolution hasn't caught up with the behavioral evolution, though, and that the penis is a survival.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 10:11 AM
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penile evolution

Mine's prehensile.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 10:17 AM
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Mine takes care of about 80% of my cognitive processes.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 10:22 AM
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140: obviously.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 10:35 AM
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SciAM: Rebecca Burch, conjecture that, "A longer penis would not only have been an advantage for leaving semen in a less accessible part of the vagina, but by filling and expanding the vagina it also would aid and abet the displacement of semen left by other males as a means of maximizing the likelihood of paternity."

PGD: this is the ev psych bait and switch -- make some inoccuous reference to the existence of evolution, then use it to smuggle in some outrageously far-fetched just so story.

Amen. The theory is idiotic from a mechanical engineering standpoint, and is not the most parsimonious explanation. The simpler explanation is that the ridge in question is intended to trap the goop in the place where it can do the most good. Further since a vagina is st-st-st-stretchy, any penis inserted is going to force preexisting ejaculate further down the hole... baby.

I would add that they're also shooting down their own theory when they say someone else's ejaculate could be carried along and wind up impregnating someone else. If that's true, then the design is really shitty from the standpoint of their theory.

max
['Psychology doesn't bloody well enter into it. Except in the crudest sense... laydeez.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 10:49 AM
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Bugs scoop.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 10:54 AM
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The article talks as if the evolution of behaviorally modern humans was necessarily the driver for penile evolution. Given how long ago we branched off from the Great Apes it could easily be that the current configuration developed waaaay back in time before our ancestors were anything like us in behavior. I think the scooping explanation is plausible, but there's no reason to ascribe it to recent ancestors.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 11:34 AM
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Is there no scientific research into women's preferences? Maybe women liked the knobby penises better!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:06 PM
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Is there no scientific research into women's preferences?

Come on upstairs and I'll show you my data.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:11 PM
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145: There's a long-drawn-out joke about American, French, and [some ethnicity to be mocked -- I think it was told me as Polish but I can't remember] sex researchers that addresses precisely this question. I'd tell it, but it relies on hand gestures.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:14 PM
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||
Scene, five minutes ago, me sitting on front stoop, handsome African gets into car parked in front.

Handsome African guy: [flirtatiously] Why you not go and pray? [pointing at mosque down the way]

Me: [shrugging, incoherent] I...I'm not Muslim?

HAG: You are now! I'll see you next Friday!

The Islamic menace is clearly more powerful than I had thought!
|>


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:15 PM
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it relies on hand gestures

Non-ethnic version that doesn't rely on hand gestures.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:22 PM
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Tom Scudder is getting hitched, though not to a Swedish gay person.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:22 PM
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149: That's it. Although miming the final analysis, culminating in accidentally hitting the joke-teller in the face, adds something to it.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:24 PM
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And how do you do that? I cannot think of search terms that would lead me to that joke (rather than to a million other pages using the same words) in any reasonably speedy way.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:25 PM
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Heh. I suppose it would.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:25 PM
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148: That's fabulous.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:25 PM
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152: "hand from sliding off" + penis


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:26 PM
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I should perhaps note that when people try to guess my ethnicity from my appearance, they usually go for Irish or Ashkenazi.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:28 PM
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You are now carrying my child. It is the mystery of the Twelfth Imam.


Posted by: Handsome African Guy | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:30 PM
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See!! I used to mock those Gates of Vienna types, but those Muslims are wilier than anyone can know!


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:33 PM
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155: Huh. I guess I underuse the tactic of putting likely phrases in quotes -- I'll do that for something where I literally know a quotation I want to appear on the page, or a short phrase that counts as a term of art, but I wouldn't have thought to say "You couldn't tell that joke without the words 'hand from sliding off' in that order".


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:34 PM
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You could tell it with words in a different order, but all you need is one person to have used them in that order. Had there been no hits, I'd have altered the phrase slightly and tried again. But quotes are indeed the key to google jiujitsu.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:36 PM
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156: Really? Bizarre. I don't think I've ever met you and I couldn't tell an Ashkenazim from a Sephardim on sight, but I generally don't think of much similarity between typical Jewish features and typical Irish features.

Actually, come to think of it, I did know a red-headed Jewish guy in college, but not well. I assumed it was just a marrying-outside-the-faith thing.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:43 PM
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Both ethicities look non-mediterranean white.


Posted by: David Weman | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:48 PM
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160: googitsu, surely.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 12:49 PM
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160: But quotes are indeed the key to google jiujitsu.

I'd add the exclusion operator "-" for the tough cases of specific uses of otherwise common words, phrases or names where there is no other associated term. (An example where I used it a lot was looking for early Usenet uses of "snark", but not the poem, sailing boat, missile, Internet server and several other uses that I now forget.)


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 3:25 PM
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I generally don't think of much similarity between typical Jewish features and typical Irish features.

Obviously your ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower. The Irish are more pallid than Jews, and Jews and Irish are less greasy than Italians.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 05- 1-09 7:25 PM
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"What are your guesses for where this random year will go?"

Clone wars.

Also, I predict a gay, civil-partnered Tory MP will make a death threat against Miss California, which will cause American Christians to demand that the British Ambassador in Washington go home.


Posted by: Jesurgislac | Link to this comment | 05- 2-09 12:38 PM
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