Re: God sent me the runs because I don't change the kitty litter frequently enough.

1

We hurt ourselves too much and too often to be expected to take all the blame.


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 8:13 AM
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I procrastinated on Saturday morning chores so I got vented at in a blog post.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 8:22 AM
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Were they really saying it was God, or did they just really mean that if you get cocky, you stop paying attention to little things, and then you get hurt?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 8:42 AM
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My impression was that they were really saying it was God. That they were being taught a lesson.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 8:45 AM
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When the mineshaft is dissecting The Rest, I often feel that a major source of misunderstanding is an unchecked assumption about how much mental airtime The Rest dedicates to thinking about a given topic.

Molly and I had a conversation on a similar topic. Molly's Family Member X has a large collection of hideous porcelain figurines in a display case in her living room. I suggested that perhaps X wasn't really tacky; she just spent less time fretting over decorations than say My Family Member Y, whose house is much more tasteful, but also the product of a lot of fret and finance, which is really just a product of the fact that Y places way too much importance on having a Nice House. Molly replied that, no X and Y spend equal amounts of mental energy worrying about having a Nice House. They just have different income levels accordingly different aesthetics.

I know, aesthetics is not critical thinking, but the cultural dynamic is similar.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 8:48 AM
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In fact, what spawned the conversation was a sprained ankle injury from last week. The guy attributed it God teaching him a lesson, and a one point his wife said, "I don't know, I saw him step like this [demonstrating], so I think he did it to himself." Which I take to mean that she was disagreeing with her husband and offerring something like Rob's 3 to contrast.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 8:53 AM
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The error is in presupposing that a single almighty being is making these decisions. Soccer gods impose injury, travel gods screw up plane flights, litigation gods re-arrange depositions, and so on. The Relationship Gods have taken Emerson from us, for what purpose we can only speculate.


Posted by: CharleyCarp | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 9:12 AM
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If being arrogant correlates with taking greater risks, then it ought to also correlate with getting injured.

Also, once you believe that an omnipotent being is concerned about the details of your life invoking him to explain a turned ankle makes perfect sense. This is one of the reasons I have difficulty talking to really religious people. There's a fundamental disconnect in our understanding of the way the world works that makes communication about anything but trivialities difficult.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 9:34 AM
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I once got in a fight with a guy while playing Ultimate Frisbee, so God upgraded me to business class on my flight here.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 9:37 AM
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a one point his wife said, "I don't know, I saw him step like this [demonstrating], so I think he did it to himself."

This blows my mind. So she thinks that God is capable of inflicting injuries to teach people a lesson, and that if such an injury occurs, it won't correlate to anything that can actually be seen, like a misstep? Just one second ankle is fine, the next it's injured?


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 9:50 AM
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Gd s/b karma, fate, erinys moirae, norns, logic, causality

Let she who doesn't connect events into a narrative by well-blessed by the spirit of Hume. The rest of us live in our imaginations.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 10:19 AM
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8:If being arrogant correlates with taking greater risks, then it ought to also correlate with getting injured.

I guess I left psychology off the above list.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 10:23 AM
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7: Right. Assorted gods and godlets, imps, and demons, along with Murphy and his minion Glitch fit the observed world far better than a single OCD almighty does. Monotheism is really just a manifestation of a lack of imagination.


Posted by: Biohazard | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 10:51 AM
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Eduardo must have been very cocky. (Don't click that link if you're grossed out by injuries).


Posted by: Criminally Bulgur | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 11:11 AM
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If injuries correlate to divine punishment, I must be a moral monster.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 11:32 AM
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The Unfogged gods are going to punish you for posting this, Heebie.


Posted by: Merganser | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 11:44 AM
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I'm not saying I *want* them too, I'm just saying they *will*.


Posted by: Merganser | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 11:45 AM
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Now I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong in order to get hit by an errant horseshoe last night.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 11:52 AM
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Propositioning nosflow in bad faith, probably.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 11:55 AM
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He's a vengeful god, you know.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 11:58 AM
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That would make perfect sense. Alright, lesson learned. No more false propositions.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 12:03 PM
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False propositions are nothing in comparison to dangling propositions.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 12:17 PM
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Is that a dangling participle or are you just happy to see me?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 12:35 PM
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Molly replied that, no X and Y spend equal amounts of mental energy worrying about having a Nice House. They just have different income levels accordingly different aesthetics.

Yeah, it's not like porcelain figurines just happen to you by default, unless you expend extra energy and expense to keep them away.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 12:44 PM
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24: Unless you inherit them, as I did. And now, out of some misguided loyalty to my aunts, I have small little porcelain horses stashed in various nooks in my house. Not exactly my design aesthetic, but I can't afford that, anyhow.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 12:50 PM
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||

Wrongshore's 12-months in review mix, volume 1 (two more comin' at ya!)

Vol 1: Good Lies

Sugar Baby - Sam Amidon
Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear
You Don't Know Me - Ben Folds (feat Regina Spektor)
Dominican Rum - Larkin Grimm
Jolene - Dolly Parton
Hold On - Solomon Burke
Madness - Mike Vickers
Mrs. Officer feat. Bobby Valentino - Lil Wayne
Money - Jesca Hoop
Konichiwa Bitches - Robyn
Juno [Ra Ra Riot Remix] - Tokyo Police Club
Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner - Warren Zevon
Good Lies - The Notwist
Librarian - My Morning Jacket
Thank You Mario But Our Princess Is In Another Castle - the Mountain Goats and Kaki King
Herringbone - Department Of Eagles
The Only Tune: I. The Two Sisters - Nico Muhly

Mix downloadable here.

Print-cut-and-paste CD sleeve downloadable here.

Assiduous Mineshaft listeners will hear a few familiar sounds.

|>


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 12:52 PM
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5: They just have different income levels accordingly different aesthetics.

There's something about Bordieu's habitus and "virtue of necessity" thing here, about we convince ourselves that we don't want fancy expensive things and/or just have different values than those rich people, but would really secretly want them if we could afford them. I'm not so convinced. I mean the habitus stuff I buy, but that's more class background than income level. My in-laws, for example, wouldn't suddenly wants modern art if they could afford it. At most they might want original portraits of deer and pheasants.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 1:24 PM
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27 and its typos were me.


Posted by: Jimmy Pongo | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 1:26 PM
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Those porcelain dolls that folks collect and display cost quite a bit of money actually. Even the "cheap" ones.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 1:34 PM
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God is making me spread 4600 lbs of mulch in my front yard with a fucking pitchfork because I am a stupid hippie.


Posted by: Bitchphd | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 1:58 PM
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7 is so obviously more plausible than monotheism that I find out bizarre that in older histories of the world they proclaim monotheism as a gigantic leap forward. Maybe it's a gigantic leap forward in the sense that it makes no goddamn sense, and then we have no choice but to invent science to explain everything that we can't attribute to small-scale malevolent spirits.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 3:55 PM
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31: "In the beginning, God was the Gods (Elohim), a plural which some call the plural of majesty and others the plural of plenitude; some have thought they noted an echo of earlier polytheisms or a premonition of the doctrine, declared at Nicaea, that God is One and is Three. Elohim takes a single verb...." (Borges)


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 4:05 PM
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Monotheism is pretty damn rare in practice. A very large portion of Christians revere Mary and/or various saints as having supernatural powers, plus angels, demons, and Satan him/herself. "But they're not gods!" is I guess the usual explanation, but praying to St. Christopher vs. to Mercury for safe passage seems like a distinction without much difference.

There's some similar stuff at work within Islam regarding saints and prophets and martyrs. I don't really know whether there are Jewish analogues and what they would be, although the focus on dietary/work/dress/hairstyle/etc, restrictions within Judaism strikes me as somewhat similar.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 5:06 PM
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I'm going to be punished for that stray comma, I just know it.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 5:08 PM
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26: Hooray! Your "Friends" mix is still in regular rotation on my iPod.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 5:40 PM
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Judaism is pretty clean on monotheism in practice, if you set aside the Kabbalists.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 5:41 PM
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35: Thanks, and likewise on yours. Also in re shared musical tastes I thought you should know that WWII's and my rings are inscribed "Come With Me Go Places".

I think Neko Case should know too, but all of the scenarios in which I tell her about my wedding ring end in terrible irony.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 6:01 PM
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"but praying to St. Christopher vs. to Mercury for safe passage seems like a distinction without much difference."

The distinction, admittedly often difficult to discern in day to day practice, is that you are supposed to ask St. Christopher to intercede for you, not pray to St. Christopher.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 6:55 PM
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I hypothesize that attributing things to God instead of 'I got cocky/tired/inattentive' is part of extraversion. Similarly, I think some extreme extroverts have apocalyptic fears/fantasies when introverts would be depressed or suicidal.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 6:56 PM
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rings are inscribed "Come With Me Go Places"

That's awesome. We got married before I discovered The New Pornographers, so ours have a Crowded House lyric on them.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 6:58 PM
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30: I once spread a bunch of mulch because I thought I would be civic-minded and volunteer in the park. I also started to come by and water the stuff we planted. One day this got me snarled at by old people who didn't think I was moving fast enough. "It's hot and I'm not getting paid. Go bother the waitress at IHOP".


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 7:03 PM
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||
Hmm, the new swine flu vaccine will contain thimerosol. The cull begins!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 7:05 PM
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|>


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 7:06 PM
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42: If they were really starting the cull, why isn't the McRib back?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 7:08 PM
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I think Neko Case should know too, but all of the scenarios in which I tell her about my wedding ring end in terrible irony.

I don't know, I think she might see what the moral of the backstory could be.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 7:15 PM
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The NPs had better play some shows this fall, or 2009 could be the first year in quite some time that I haven't seen them live.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 1-09 7:21 PM
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This blows my mind. So she thinks that God is capable of inflicting injuries to teach people a lesson, and that if such an injury occurs, it won't correlate to anything that can actually be seen, like a misstep? Just one second ankle is fine, the next it's injured?

Probably not. It was a conversation, not a treatise, and she was probably just voicing disagreement with her husband's interpretation of things, not setting out a full-blown theory of divine retribution.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 4:58 PM
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47: Oops. "conversation" s/b preceded by "casual".


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 4:58 PM
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47 what a brave woman, i like fully support her voicing


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:00 PM
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49: I'm like exceedingly glad to hear that, read.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:01 PM
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i'm more glad you glad to hear that


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:03 PM
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51: Oh, I doubt that very much. Very much indeed.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:07 PM
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i'm crashed then, you should be very much assured in that


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:17 PM
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and please stay in one thread i can't chase you all over threads to disagree


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:17 PM
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53: You poor pitiable woman.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:18 PM
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I like cobbler. Discuss.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:20 PM
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repulsive


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 2-09 5:22 PM
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Hey read, I didn't get a chance to say anything in the last thread, but I'm so glad to see you back.

I know someone who used to talk abut spilling coffee as God teaching him a lesson. He was referring to missing the first sip of coffee in the morning and spilling some on himself. He referred to it as God's little joke. He needed the coffee so badly that he didn't have the mental wherewithal to drink it properly. I think that you could have substituted hubris here if you wanted to.

He certainly doesn't think that people who get terrible injuries are being taught a lesson, just that God was laughing at the irony and "telling him" that he needed to slow down a bit to speed up, since changing his tie takes time too.

||

Heebie, rfts said that you recommended a book on getting a new habit started. What was it called? I couldn't find anything by searching amazon.

|>


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 5:05 AM
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10: Heebie could settle this, but I read the wife as saying that natural explanations suffice, with a subtext of the kind of "get over yourself, god wouldn't bother" we're making text here.

38: And is one not asking Mercury to intercede on one's behalf when one prays to Mercury?


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 5:20 AM
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hi, BG!
starting a new habit, that sounds interesting, if there are some useful techniques, i have so very weak willpower, if there are some ways to enhance self-discipline, just keeping diaries or writing memos never work with me
not a habit, but just doing something the first attempt i usually fail then if i give it some time like brewing processing perhaps somehow the second time i kinda succeed, though sure there are things about which i realize my true limitations and that i can't go around them and just like pine or loose interest, usually loose interest
that's like 'subconscious' meditation technique i guess
conscious meditations if i try like to sit and think specifically like you are calm, everything around you is calm, your hand is heavy or you can do it etc i feel kinda ridiculous and wasting time


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 6:01 AM
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59: In that instance, you are asking Mercury to intercede for you with a cold and uncaring universe. If it's St. Christopher, you're asking him to intercede for you with a loving and almighty God. So in the first case, you're basically an atheist.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 6:06 AM
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And is one not asking Mercury to intercede on one's behalf when one prays to Mercury?

No, you're asking Mercury, as a divine being with supernatural powers, to put his hand in his bag of magic tricks and pull out the one which grants your wishes. St Christopher doesn't have his own bag of tricks, he has to persuade YHWH to use his.


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 6:13 AM
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62 is what I as getting at in 38, more clearly expressed. 61 seems confused.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 6:22 AM
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Spoken like an atheist.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 6:33 AM
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Also, if you're praying to Mercury you're not inhabiting a cold, uncaring universe, but one where pretty much everything is animated by spirits, genii, nymphs, lares, penates, heroes, tutelary gods and godesses, etc., all of which lead eventful existences of their own and often care far too much for their own good.


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 6:41 AM
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The Socratic Approach should always be used to open the conversation with the victim. That is what asking questions to start an argument is called. You approach the victim and simply ask:
"Did you know that God is a female? And that Her name is ERIS, Goddess of Discord?"

If the victim says "yes", then he's either lying or you've picked a fellow Discordian, idiot. If he doesn't, then proceed to:

THE BLIND ASSERTION. This is where you say, "Well, She is a woman and Her name is Eris." Now see if the victim appears to be convinced. If not, proceed to

THE FAITH BIT. "But you must have faith! Faith is wonderful, etc.! I feel sorry for you if you don't have faith!" And then add

THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR. "Do you know what happens to those who don't believe in Goddess?" If the victim says "no", don't tell him whatever it is you think happens to unbelievers, just shake
your head sadly and go to

THE FIRST CAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all the chaos around you and ask, "Well who do you think make all this then, wise guy?" If he says "nobody, just impersonal forces", then go on to

THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS wherein you say thathe is right and that those impersonal forces are a female and that
Her name is Eris.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 6:59 AM
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65: You think Mercury cares about you? He's like your average CEO, he only cares about himself.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:10 AM
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read, I think you mean to say "lose interest" there.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:32 AM
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BG, heebie or rfts may correct me, but I believe what you're referring to is a book called The Now Habit. It's about overcoming procrastination though, not exactly about starting a new habit (unless that habit is specifically to not procrastinate).


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:32 AM
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Thanks M/tch. Well, I do need help with procrastination. I'm trying to work out more, and I want to start out at a reasonable amount that I'll stick to. I tend to get really excited for a while, but I let it fall by the wayside when things get stressful or busy.


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:35 AM
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I was looking for The New Habit. That the title is actually The Now Habit explains why I couldn't find it!


Posted by: Bostoniangirl | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:37 AM
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Never said it was a friendly universe. It's a deeply scary one, but not incapable of feeling. Mercury will give you his full attention if you sacrifice an unblemished ox on his altar. Whether it's a good idea to get his full attention is another matter.


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:38 AM
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I thought there was a thread here discussing it awhile back, probably last fall, but I can't find it at the moment.

Heebie taught it for a freshman orientation type class. She's discussed it over on her blog, but I can't access it at the moment, as my employer (out of pure spite, surely) blocks heebie's site here at work, otherwise I'd provide some links.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:40 AM
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71: I have found a great deal of useful cooking advice in The Now Hobbit.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:45 AM
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I'm sure heebie's students were confused that she was teaching them how to sacrifice to Mercury, but hey, that's what a liberal education is all about.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:46 AM
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I've been reading Skrbina's book on Panpsychism.* There's something quite comforting about the idea of a universe filled with: animated by spirits, genii, nymphs, lares, penates, heroes, tutelary gods and godesses, etc.

* not that he's particularly concerned with that type of panpsychism.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 7:49 AM
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76: Of course, you've got to watch out for all those rape-minded swans, bulls, golden showers, etc.

But I'll have to check out Skrbina. That sounds interesting.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:08 AM
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right, strike o


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:09 AM
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Okay, 0.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:11 AM
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Ned, she didn't say "Simon says."


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:12 AM
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79: You're such a puppet, ned.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:13 AM
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so there is no such a word loose, perhaps i mix it with choose


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:13 AM
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No, there is. Loose is pronounced with an S sound at the end. Lose is pronounced with a Z sound at the end. It's perhaps the single most common error I see, even among native English speakers.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:18 AM
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's perhaps the single most common error I see, even among native English speakers.

Ugh, yes. Drives me insane.


Posted by: emdash | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:19 AM
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Loose is a word -- it means the opposite of tight. It's just distinct from lose, which is the word you wanted.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:19 AM
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As a verb, loose means to set free.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:20 AM
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but then maybe perhaps it's not a verb, but an adjective
i don't go to check the dictionary coz trying to build a lasting connection between the neurons
next time i'll see loose and recall you and BG


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:21 AM
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+LB


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:22 AM
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okay so it's a verb


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:23 AM
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It's perhaps the single most common error I see, even among native English speakers.

That's rediculous, but I'm bias.


Posted by: Criminally Bulgur | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:23 AM
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next time i'll see loose and recall you and BG

As in "women of loose virtue," obviously.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:24 AM
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62
St Christopher doesn't have his own bag of tricks, he has to persuade YHWH to use his.

Doesn't he? Do people who pray to saints really picture them just making supplications of their own further up the ladder like you're saying or do they picture them invisibly guiding someone's hand, turning aside dangerous rocks, etc., like Mercury or one of those angels in "Family Circus" cartoons? (I obviously don't know what I'm talking about here, but so what?) What you're suggesting may be theologically sound but it doesn't seem logically sound.

Why not just skip the middleman and pray directly to God? If God wouldn't listen to you then why would a saint, and if a saint would listen to you then why wouldn't God? One obvious flippant answer is that God uses the saints to save his valuable time by sorting through supplicants and picking out the most pressing or deserving cases in their bailiwicks for help. This seems unnecessary if God is all-knowing and all-powerful, though.

As I've said, before I called myself an atheist I called myself a deist, and I guess it still shows.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:25 AM
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90 what, you don't wish me well? what if i'll built some wrong connections and get laughed at?


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:28 AM
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Loosers of the world unite! You have nothing to loose but your "o"s.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:29 AM
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Maybe God gets lonely, so he keeps the saints hanging around him at all times, and while they're there he has them help with problems they're interested in to let them be useful. But, again, if God is all-knowing and all-powerful this system can't be any quicker or more effective than having him do it all himself.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:30 AM
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94: And then they'll be losers, and losers don't have many "o"s anyway. (I kid, I kid! No offense to all those losers out there, I'm often one of you.)


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:32 AM
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Why not just skip the middleman and pray directly to God?

Protestant!


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:32 AM
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OT: I linked this on my Facebook page a few minutes ago, but it bears repeating here.

Armed with explosives, two men are heading to Mongolia's Gobi Desert to find the fabled acid-spitting and lightning-throwing Mongolian death worm. The worm has never been documented but some Mongolians are convinced it exists. They call it Allghoi Khorkhoi, or "intestine worm" because it resembles a cow's intestine and is about 1.5m long. The worm apparently jumps out of the sand and kills people by spitting concentrated acid or shooting lightning from its rectum over long distances, NZPA reports. (Seriously.)

If I could shoot lightning from my rectum, I would rule the world. But not with an iron fist because, you know, conductivity.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:45 AM
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re: 77

It's had quite good reviews, the Skrbina book. For what it's worth, I didn't personally really rate it. It's OK and I found bits of it interesting, but I wanted more from it, I have to admit.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:46 AM
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God has delegated the whole miracle business to the saints because He's bored with them. Newly dead aspirants to sainthood just love their new toy though.


Posted by: Mo MacArbie | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:47 AM
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But the worm has been documented.


Posted by: tierce de lollardie | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:49 AM
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No, you're asking Mercury, as a divine being with supernatural powers, to put his hand in his bag of magic tricks and pull out the one which grants your wishes. St Christopher doesn't have his own bag of tricks, he has to persuade YHWH to use his

Often ancestor worship is theorized the same way. Your ancestors are in Heaven now, and can plead on your behalf to the divine authorities. In the Chinese folk religion, this can be a very bureaucratic process.

Interestingly, Pope Benedict XIV ruled that ancestor worship was genuine worship and couldn't be practiced by Chinese Catholics.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:56 AM
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there are mirages in the deserts and dehydrated people are prone to hallucinations, but if they die as a result of the attack
i'm agnostic about olgoi khorkhois


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 8:58 AM
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The saints make sense in the context of patronage and courtier culture. You can't go and petition the king directly, see. You'll end up waiting in interminable lines along with the other riff-raff, and the king is busy and could be really cranky when you finally meet with him, and besides, why would he care about your little land dispute? Much better to ask so-and-so if he knows anybody at court who will use a favor for you.

France still works this way, as far as I can tell, as do certain sectors within the US (the art market, academia).


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:05 AM
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104: "You have never been inside a film studio? ... It is really [the same as a] palace of the 16th Century. There one sees what Shakespeare saw: the absolute power of the tyrant, the courtiers, the flatterers, the jesters, the cunningly ambitious intriguers. There are fantastically beautiful women . . . incompetent favorites . . . great men who are suddenly disgraced . . . insane extravagances . . . unexpected parsimony . . . enormous splendor, which is a sham . . . horrible squalor hidden behind the scenery . . . vast schemes abandoned because of some caprice . . . secrets which everybody knows and no one speaks of. There are even two or three honest advisers. These are the court fools, who speak the deepest wisdom in puns, lest they should be taken seriously. They grimace, and tear their hair privately, and weep." (Isherwood)


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:09 AM
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105: There's really a lot of that all over.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:22 AM
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If I could shoot lightning from my rectum, I would rule the world.

Still wouldn't get you a pot-crapping dog though.

Also, "lightening-shooting rectum" needs a name (like vagina dentata).

Rectum zapata?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:27 AM
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Rectum illucescens. Perhaps you meant "lightning", though.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:29 AM
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109

Shoe-shooting rectum?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:30 AM
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Perhaps you meant "lightning", though.

Clearly you haven't checked the flickr group lately. Apo is totallly into anal bleaching these days.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:31 AM
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White as the driven snow, baby. ZAP ZAP ZAP!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:33 AM
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109: No, it's a rectum that will ZAP! you. Which is kick-ass. And what does one kick ass with? Shoes, that's what. Duh.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:33 AM
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ZAP ZAP ZAP!

The dark enemy has been repulsed!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:35 AM
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i should have asked for the dessert


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:39 AM
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DON'T ASS-ZAP ME, BRO!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:46 AM
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and bought a squirrel


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:46 AM
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114: Just be sure not to ask for the "desert" by mistake. Worms, you know.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:49 AM
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Rectum illucescens. Perhaps you meant "lightning", though.

Rectum fulgens?


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:55 AM
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i'm agnostic about olgoi khorkhois

read's trying to cover it up because she's secretly in the pay of the Bene Gesserit.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:04 AM
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119: Well, the spice must flow, you know.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:05 AM
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FEAR IS THE MINDKILLER


Posted by: OPINIONATED KWISATZ HADERACH | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:11 AM
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121: So's your mom.


Posted by: Paul A. | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:17 AM
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My name is a killing word.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:17 AM
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123: Apo's ass is a killer ass.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:19 AM
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The dreaded Nosfloratu.


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:20 AM
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MY DOG HAS FLEAS!!!!


Posted by: OPINIONATED UKULELE | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:21 AM
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My, fruit flies like bananas.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:22 AM
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YOUR DOG IS NOW THE PROPERTY OF THE TSAR


Posted by: OPINIONATED UKASE | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:22 AM
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when i read about people coming to find specifically some kind of miraculous things i'm kinda sorry for their disappointment and disillusion
coz most probably they won't see anything except the big empty space, if there are the wonders they are sure very well hidden and won't open up for the brief expeditions
but they'll get to see the desert sky at the nights without any light interference, that's worth travel perhaps
sure deserts are everywhere too


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:31 AM
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117 perhaps i won't get offered desserts for some 6 mo and it's all your fault


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:32 AM
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next time i'll see loose and recall you and BG

You know, of all the people here who might bring the word "loose" to mind, I wouldn't have gone with BG.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:38 AM
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Weird. 131 = me. My personal info is saved and everything.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:39 AM
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BG is hella loose.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:48 AM
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133: All living in the interstices.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:49 AM
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next time i'll see loose

I don't see loose. Because I'm a feminist.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 10:58 AM
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129: well, you know, maybe they'll come to look for the enormous acid-spitting Mongolian death worm... and find themselves.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:03 AM
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I don't see loose. Because I'm a feminist of my enormous hand-stretched penis.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:07 AM
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136: I smell a Modern Love column.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:07 AM
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136: "All my life I've been searching....and all along the answer has been within me.....I myself am the acid-splitting Mongolian death worm!"


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:09 AM
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I believe the enormous acid-spitting Mongolian death worms are our future.
Teach them well and let them lead the way.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:24 AM
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137: Artisanal, hand-rubbed meat is the best. (Or so I've heard on Unfogged.)


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:24 AM
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Mongolian Death Worm would be a good name for a penis band.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:27 AM
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Band of Penises wouldn't be a bad name for a band.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:28 AM
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perhaps i won't get offered desserts for some 6 mo and it's all your fault

Hey, if you don't get your desserts, talk to Karma about it, not me.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:31 AM
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143: Band of Dicks -- better or worse?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:33 AM
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Worse.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:33 AM
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on outer himalayan records


Posted by: tierce de lollardie | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:34 AM
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read,

You probably still don't know i am, but i'm glad to see that you are back!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:34 AM
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148: "still don't know i am" -- wow, that really sounds pathetic!

I meant to write "still don't know who I am" -- which is pathetic enough.


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:36 AM
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The unknown support me in e-mail.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:37 AM
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I still don't know who wrote 149.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:40 AM
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In a way, each of us wrote 149.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:42 AM
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I wrote 149 to find myself.

But I still haven't found the giant albino earthworm of Oregon.


Posted by: clew | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:44 AM
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(1) Go to Oregon.
(2) Inspect your stool.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:45 AM
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154:
3) ????
4) Profit!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:46 AM
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I claim 149 as my own.

And yet there is a little of peep in each of you, and little of each of you in peep.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:48 AM
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155: Why do I still find that joke funny, after all these years?


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:49 AM
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149: IIRC, and I do, "I am" is one of the names of god.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:49 AM
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The unknown support me in e-mail.

Oh, yeah? Well, *I* unzipped my pants, and there was a sock! I removed the sock and LOOK! A Mongolian Death Worm! And it said, 'Hey! Let's start a band!' and then it zapped me.

max
['Fucker.']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:49 AM
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159: It is suggested that you stay away from the acid brownies.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:53 AM
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157: I'm sure it's my stellar delivery.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:54 AM
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Acid brownies!? Why has no one informed me that such a thing existed?


Posted by: paranoid android | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:54 AM
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158: Somebody, please delete 149, 156, and 158!
Indiscretion error!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:55 AM
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159: And then I found five dollars.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:57 AM
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Teach them well and let them lead the way.

From a safe distance, that is. One shouldn't follow too closely.


Posted by: Robust McManlyPants | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:58 AM
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160: 159: It is suggested that you stay away from the acid brownies.

!Dude! Que pasa purple brownies!

max
['Cowabunghola!']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 11:59 AM
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165: The worms are watching us, the worms are watching us, the worms are watching us from a distance.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:04 PM
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143: A Band Of Bees / Sting / A Band Of Penises?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:05 PM
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All the laydeez say (in e-mail) that my beestung penis is very attractive.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:08 PM
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Absolutely the weirdest compliment I ever received was when I was told "nice penis" the way phlebotomists say "nice veins".


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:12 PM
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peep!


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:12 PM
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the thread is absolutely degenerated i see


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:13 PM
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170: Context, please!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:14 PM
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173: Clearly he was selling semen for cash.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:15 PM
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172: Are you calling me degenerate again, read?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:15 PM
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All my other veins were tapped out.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:16 PM
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i meant i'm glad to see you too i think it's like obvious


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:16 PM
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177 is to 173 obviously


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:17 PM
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Oh. peep probably just thought that was a banana in your pocket.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:18 PM
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177, 178: I'm flattered!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:20 PM
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ha, ciphers, always have trouble with them
177 is not to 173, but 148


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:22 PM
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b/c 173 was not about 171 as i initially thought


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:23 PM
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Resolved: this blog is degenerate and should be raized and replaced with a happy happy bunny bunny blog full of beeyoutiful flutterbys!

max
['And tea parties!']


Posted by: max | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:25 PM
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At least you weren't being told "nice penis" the way nervous mailmen say "nice doggy"


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:30 PM
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Now there's a good band name:

Nice Penis and the Nervous Mailmen Letter Carriers.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:34 PM
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I say the thread linked in 168 should go in any hardbound Best of Unfogged collection.


Posted by: Cryptic need | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:35 PM
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176: Ouch!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:37 PM
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186: Yep. It's a winner.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:37 PM
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187: But it was only a small prick, peep.


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:38 PM
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||

Hey look, they came out with a new strain of HIV. Normally they wait until Christmas to introduce the fun new products.

|>


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 12:46 PM
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What do you think that gorilla did to get God mad at him/her?


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 1:05 PM
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olgoi is actually appendix, khorkhoi is bug so correct is appendix bug, not death worm


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 08- 3-09 9:35 PM
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