Re: Good Humor

1

A giant jar of grape jelly.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:00 AM
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2

Grimace


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:02 AM
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3

Grimace?


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:02 AM
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4

Darn, my snappy answer was already taken by #2.


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:02 AM
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5

And #3


Posted by: Spike | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:03 AM
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6

Barney. Or is this a trick question?


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:04 AM
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7

A sad cloud cover from decades past?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:05 AM
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8

MY COCK.

I joke, of course. It can definitely climb trees.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:05 AM
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9

The mole that Sifu's cock cocked, but lost to?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:06 AM
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10

HONOR


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:10 AM
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11

8: You have a prehensile cock? That's really handy.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:13 AM
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12

a purple elephant


Posted by: Andy R. | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:24 AM
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13

I'm about to step out the door, so I guess I should give up the punchline, eh?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:24 AM
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14

Sifu exaggerates. But if you throw it against the wall, it will crawl back down. Wash in soapy water to reactivate stickiness.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:26 AM
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15

This joke is really boring. I'd be much more interested in knowing what's big and purple and can climb trees.


Posted by: JH | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:29 AM
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16

A purple fridge.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:29 AM
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17

15: I invite you to compose a joke, then, snot-rocket face.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:30 AM
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18

What is big and purple and can't climb trees?

This pair of underwear.

You have a prehensile cock? That's really handy.

Also not that uncommon here.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:31 AM
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19

17: I happen to have bronchitis and a sinus infection at the moment. Your epithet was hurtful and unnecessary.


Posted by: JH | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:31 AM
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20

what's big and purple and can climb trees


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:35 AM
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21

A stick!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:35 AM
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22

Moooo!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:37 AM
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23

You guys are going to be disappointed; I can tell already.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:37 AM
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24

Tor and Tuga would be disappointing answers. Is it that?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:40 AM
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25

Interrupting cow!


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:40 AM
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26

A: A big, purple, tree-climbing machine that's broken.

Off to swim a museum!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:43 AM
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27

An obese asphyxiating quadriplegic!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:43 AM
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28

A: A big, purple, tree-climbing machine that's broken.

Oh, that old Simon and Garfunkel song.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:45 AM
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29

Does man-sized count as "big"? I'm going with Hitler's corpse.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:50 AM
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30

Galactus.


Posted by: Tom Scudder | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:51 AM
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31

Moby Grape?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:53 AM
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32

The Phantom after he's had his hands chopped off.


Posted by: Ginger Yellow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:53 AM
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33

||

I have to say, I liked this post by Saiselgy this morning.

It makes a good point, is rhetorically effective, and it's a good example of the value of writing pieces that aren't really a response to any current news but that just re-state some truth about the world that continues to be true. I appreciate that he makes a point of doing that from time to time.

|>


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 10:12 AM
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34

10: HONOR


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 10:30 AM
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35

Oh, god, not you too, JP.

That isn't even how honor societies work.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 10:48 AM
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36

The presence of one character with glasses in 34 destroys the entire XKCD aesthetic, which hitherto has not had characters with glasses, as I remember. Either have no glasses, or put glasses on 80% of the characters as would be the case in reality.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:03 AM
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37

That isn't even how honor societies work.

Oh, really. Do tell.

I liked about 57.2% of that strip, but *really* liked that parts I liked. Probably from being relatively fresh from National Honor Society wars in my household. I am inordinately proud* that only 1 of my 3 kids graduated HS as a member in good standing. Hitler Youth for consumero-normative future neo-feudalists.

*And I appreciate that being in a position to hold that view is a luxury in its own right.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:04 AM
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38

35 and 36 are great examples of Josh's wonderful "narcissism of small differences" characterization the other day.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:06 AM
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39

Oh, is there some high-school specific honor society in question?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:10 AM
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40

I think "aesthetic" was the wrong word there. Maybe I meant "gestalt".


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:11 AM
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41

WTF are honor societies anyway? Sounds like the Camorra.


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:15 AM
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42

The presence of one character with glasses in 34 destroys the entire XKCD aesthetic

On a second look I think that character is an homage to Jason from Foxtrot.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:17 AM
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43

Further to 42, Bill Amend appears to agree.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:19 AM
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44

One can choose not to join the Nat'l Honor Society. There were mass resignations in my high school when the "faculty adviser," an obnoxious gym teacher, was very heavy handed with the "morality requirement" in order to exclude people.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:19 AM
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45

Nobody ever told me about no honor society.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:21 AM
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46

44: The morality requirement? Were there checks to see if you had ties to the financial services industry or the Project for a New American Century?


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:23 AM
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47

39: Yes, but not sure it is universal. In our neck of the woods the National Honor Society rules. (And from Wikipedia I see that the first chapter was in Pittsburgh, so it may be stronger around here.) It annoyed me in high school and annoyed me as a dad of high-schoolers. (On preview, things like oud's 44 were one thing that set my teeth on edge.)


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:24 AM
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48

46: Just being odd in a non-nerd fashion, not performing one's gender in approved fashion [this one was just for boys], er, lifting up the side of one's shirt and saying "suck my left tit" to a classmate.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:32 AM
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49

48 is awesome.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:35 AM
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50

How did you get into Nat'l Honors Society? I remember it, but I don't think I qualified. Can I be a reverse snob?


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:36 AM
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51

41: I was thinking of the sort of group whose prototype in the states is Phi Beta Kappa.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:40 AM
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52

50: "Selection is based on four criteria: service, leadership, scholarship and character."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:43 AM
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53

51: Well, then, if you are going to be a stickler about "how things work" in the cartoon, you should note that the speaker in the first panel is a high-school student, and that is not how Phi Beta Kappa works.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:44 AM
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54

I'm pretty sure selection for National Honor Society in my high school was based on GPA, GPA, GPA, and GPA. But I don't remember for sure, because it existed only for the purpose of being noted on college applications.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:46 AM
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55

Oh, oudemia. I thought better of you! All I said was that PBK is the prototype. I had of course noticed that, but the mere fact that a society would draw its membership from high school students doesn't mean it can't get out of the Euthyphro problem the same way that PBK is supposed to.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:47 AM
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56

Apparently it did exist at my high school, I was just wildly out of it's orbit.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:48 AM
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57

52: In other words 54 is right, except they can not invite anyone who doesn't "fit" for any reason that appeals to the sponsor(s) and/or administration.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:50 AM
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58

I was just wildly out of it's orbit

Obviously.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:53 AM
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59

56: my poor apostrophe usage presumably providing hints as to why this might have been so.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:53 AM
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60

Pwned on self-mockery: not honorable.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:54 AM
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61

But great fun.


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:56 AM
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62

Suck my left tit, Neil.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:57 AM
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63

54 gets it right. Every year the top 6% of the graduating class by GPA was in the National Honor Society. They didn't ever tell us what our ranking was, so we only knew who was in the top 6% and who was in the bottom 94%.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:57 AM
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64

Even my access point thinks xkcd sucks.

URL: http://xkcd.com/703/

Reason for restriction: Forbidden Category "Other"

It helps to know that "other" means "sucks".


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:58 AM
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65

But does it suck on Sifu's left tit?


Posted by: Not Prince Hamlet | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 11:59 AM
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66

Oh, man, the big mass freak out in re the NHS would have made for the cheeziest episode of My So-Called Life or Freaks and Geeks. Basically a bunch of mouthy types and weirdos and maybe gonna grow up to be gay boys were excluded from the NHS and a few jocko homo types with iffy records for things like plagiarism were let in. The president of the NHS, a big jock himself, but also a very good student and all-around honorable type (well, I have a story there, but that's for later!), was annoyed enough that he submitted a fake speech to the faculty adviser for the induction ceremony, and delivered a barn-stormer about people who were there who shouldn't be and people who weren't there but who should be and then he and a bunch of other folks walked out while everyone gawped at them.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:03 PM
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67

I couldn't tell you whether that particular strip bears a suckular relationship to Sifu's titty, but in general I'm sure it does.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:03 PM
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68

Sifu's left tit is large; it suckles multitudes.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:04 PM
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69

66 TL;DR. What happened with your left tit?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:05 PM
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70

A story in which he is revealed to have only ersatz honor or a story in which his honor is demonstrated? We have a right to know!


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:05 PM
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71

A story in which he is revealed to have only ersatz honor

66 is sad because he gave the speech right after his sex-reassignment surgery.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:08 PM
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72

For Heebie's essay question: "Amy Bishop? Let her in NHS or not?"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:08 PM
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73

At my school, the only obvious candidate for NHS to be denied an invitation was an outspoken feminist. Older me thinks poorly of younger me for accepting that bullshit passively.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:13 PM
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74

Of course, this was back when I was a conservative tool. So.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:14 PM
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75

70: Wellll, not what I was thinking, but one answer I could give is "And that young man grew up to be head of I-banking for [a particularly scummy bank]."


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:18 PM
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76

A story in which he is revealed to have only ersatz honor or a story in which his honor is demonstrated?

I think oud's choice of "well," to begin her parenthetical is suggestive of the former, but we shall see!


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:19 PM
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77

Yes, and the chipper conclusion, "that's for later!", as if promising a treat, seems to indicate that we will witness a fall from great height (no bigger treat than that, after all).


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:20 PM
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78

85: so a fall from a great height cushioned by an enormous pile of money, then. I was hoping for something involving , I dunno, ketamine and nudity?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:23 PM
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79

"Amy Bishop? Let her in NHS or not?"

Were she eligible she would certainly be treated under the NHS (assuming she's found guilty but insane). But she's in Alabama, so she can fuck off.


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:29 PM
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80

NHS at my HS existed only in the form of an induction ceremony and to be noted on college applications. (Well, I think one year they organized an outing to the CuarĂ³n Great Expectations film, presumably because it was an adaptation of a great work of literature, and therefore "intellectual".) The idea that a chapter could be the locus of "morality requirements" or really, any sort of controversy is news to me.

The application required the writing of some essay about how you embody the NHS values. The first year I was eligible for induction (junior?), I entertained myself by writing a sarcastic first draft which included a line that went something like, "When Alan Greenspan warned of 'irrational exuberance', I vehemently disagreed. I firmly believe that no degree of exuberance is irrational!" I may have also portrayed myself as someone who "shoots for the moon" and "lands in the stars".

I printed this draft and left it for my parents to read. They told me it was absolutely hilarious and that I had to start over. I did my best to remove the sarcasm from the final draft, but I was still denied admission my first time around. Later that year it happened to come up in conversation with a friend that I hadn't been inducted, and he looked at me, put his hand on my shoulder, and said as if he were consoling me on a death in the family, "Oh, I'm so sorry, man. It's really important for colleges."

I done a better job or better embodied the NHS values my senior year, as they let me in. And so I got to include a NHS '99 line on my applications after all. But think how much better off I'd been if I had been able to write down "NHS '98-'99"!


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:37 PM
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81

NHS "needed for"/"impresses"/[some other BS] is the biggest laugh of all.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:40 PM
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82

Of course, this was back when I was a conservative tool

Standpipe Bridgeplate is SCMT!


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:41 PM
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83

81 menat to refer specifically to college admissions, but it is a general truth as well.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:42 PM
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84

We had NHS, but membership was by a GPA-based cutoff, and I think the cutoff was county-wide. Result: At our nerdy magnet school, something like 60% of the seniors were in it. It did seem like it existed only to be used as some kind of checkmark.


Posted by: Nathan Williams | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:43 PM
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85

54 was my experience; I don't recall anyone having the opportunity to exclude anyone (except, obviously, on the basis of GPA).

Maybe you were supposed to show that you'd done some sort of volunteering? I suppose that could be dread arbitrariness, but in practice don't think it was used that way. No one at my HS cared that much.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:45 PM
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86

Huh. i remember no induction or application or any such stuff. I think I just woke up one day and found out I was in. I typed that onto my college apps and got accepted -- surely all thanks to my being a member of NHS.


Posted by: Di Kotimy | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 12:46 PM
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87

We didn't have NHS at our school, but some functional equivalent. The only significance of membership was that you got to wear a gold emblem of some sort on your HS graduation gown.

This turned out to be a little awkward, since owing to my ejection and permanent ban from the club in 10th grade, I was apparently the only graduate to ever deliver the valedictory address while bereft of the gold insignia, which oddity I was asked to explain by many a classmate's parents on graduation night.


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 1:53 PM
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88

Every time I here about high school experiences, it makes me so grateful I was abroad at that time. No class rankings, no NHS, no valedictorians, no high school sports, nowhere near as much cliquishness, no proms in the American sense, open bars at high school dances. And if you were going to an American college you didn't even have to care about the one high stress thing, the end of high school exams.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:13 PM
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87: It doesn't fit at all, but I am now imagining you as the young albert brooks at the beginning of Broadcast News (""You'll never make more than $19000 a year!")


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:14 PM
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90

my ejection and permanent ban from the club in 10th grade

My gosh, Knecht, what horrible thing did you do?


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:18 PM
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91

It was left tit related, wasn't it?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:33 PM
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92

90: Trifling violation of the character-and-morals clause (I sucked oudemia's left tit).


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:34 PM
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93

92: Completely neglecting her right? How dishonorable!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:45 PM
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94

Huh. In our NHS chapter, sucking oudemia's left tit was part of the entry requirements.

New Jersey really is a different place.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:45 PM
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95

94: It was the 3 days truancy to go to New Jersey to do it that he got nailed on.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:48 PM
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96

93: A female French friend once asked me, "Why do men always feel obliged to suck both nipples alternately? It's not like one is going to be jealous of the other if it's neglected.".

This came as something of a revelation to me at the time. (For the record, I never sucked either of her nipples. You hear that, Fleur? Never! The nude sunbathing was totally platonic, honestly.)


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 2:52 PM
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97

I think I was in the NHS, and I seem to remember some kind of application and the principles as stated upthread, but there were only 25 people in my graduating class, so it really couldn't have mattered at all. Everyone knew how everyone would end up; getting into the NHS or not would only have meant a slightly more or less famous college for the college-bound.


Posted by: Cyrus | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:00 PM
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98

96: The exact opposite of my experience.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:02 PM
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99

""Why do men always feel obliged to suck both nipples alternately?"

Its one of those grass is always greener, er, nipples always more suckable, er, things.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:04 PM
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100

I was never invited into the National Honor Society -- therefore I conclude, that it may not be a complete fraud.


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:04 PM
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101

98: You don't feel obliged to suck both nipples?
You haven't found men to be obliged to do so?
A male German friend expressed perfect understanding of why women don't think they are obliged to blow on one nipple?


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:06 PM
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102

The exact opposite of my experience

You sucked my frend Dorothee's nipples?


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:06 PM
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103

You did suck on KR's French friend's nipples?


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:06 PM
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104

I gather this is the sort of situation where I am supposed to acknowledge that I have been "pwned". But what would be the value-add of doing so when this fact is so obvious to all who can see?


Posted by: Otto von Bisquick | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:08 PM
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105

Why do men and women and people like that always feel obliged to say "Members of my gender prefer X", instead of "I prefer X"?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:08 PM
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106

104: to your credit, you did spell "friend" correctly.


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:10 PM
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107

98: Deliberate ambiguity!


Posted by: peep | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:13 PM
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108

I was invited into the NHS, but I think there were some hoops to jump through, the exact nature of which I can't recall. In any case, the whole thing seemed like a waste of time, so I didn't do it. I have not discerned any negative effects on my life from that decision.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:25 PM
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96: "Why do men always feel obliged to suck both nipples alternately?"

I've always treated it like a "Stations of the Cross" thing, only with naughty bits.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:26 PM
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110

What I find more interesting, though, is that my dad was in the NHS when he was in high school. I guess this makes sense given the context, but it's hard to imagine him ever joining anything.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:27 PM
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111

35, 36-110: Boy what a fruitful discussion has resulted from a link to a single xkcd cartoon. People should link to it more often.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:41 PM
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112

People should link to it more often.

Really, it seems to me that each new xkcd should be posted on the front page (or, perhaps, beneath the fold*) so that we might have a discussion of it.

If only one of the front page posters would oblige us!**

* pace parsimon

** I foresee an obnoxious script that rewrites all xkcd-referring comments


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:44 PM
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113

** I foresee an obnoxious script that rewrites all xkcd-referring comments

Oh, man, this is a great idea.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:46 PM
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114

Even better would be an obnoxious script that adds attributes to xkcd-referring hyperlinks coupled with some obnoxious javascript that intercepts clicks on those links and sends them to goatse. (Rather than simply rewriting the links, which would be too obvious.)


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 3:48 PM
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115

Goatse is a little '03, neb. Aren't there any decent contemporary shock sites?


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:06 PM
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116

Do you honestly want the answer to that, DS?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:10 PM
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117

I like the classics. Plus, I've already seen goatse, so I know I wouldn't be too bothered by calling up the URL and seeing it again. I'm not eager to be exposed to more of them.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:11 PM
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118

115: Sure there are.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:12 PM
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119

See, I'm not going to follow the link in 118.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:12 PM
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120

116: Probably not. I'm not following that link either.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:42 PM
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121

Wusses.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:49 PM
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122

A girl I worked with in high school was in NHS in her Catholic school and was expelled from their chapter for getting pregnant. She also couldn't walk at graduation for the same reason. Her boyfriend? Still in NHS and still allowed to participate in graduation. Totally messed up.


Posted by: Miranda | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:51 PM
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123

I knew I was tempting fate by linking two xkcds in the same thread yesterday.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 4:55 PM
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124

I hate how bit.ly obscures URLs. I'm not opening that link either.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 5:03 PM
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125

118: ARGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO US, SIFU?


Posted by: Opiniated PETA Member | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 5:07 PM
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Sigh. This is what I get for being busy today instead of following threads. As soon as I read neb saying something about honor societies, I was going to write a comment saying "neb's just pissy because he wants more respect for being Phi Beta Kappa". But then he had to go and ruin it by mentioning Phi Beta Kappa himself, hours before I show up.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 5:09 PM
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At my high school NHS had not only a GPA requirement but a "service project" requirement. My service project involved writing a replacement for some outdated software someone or other in the school system was using, only to find that it wouldn't install on her horribly broken Windows installation, and then gave up. I got credit for it anyway. See, suckers? I didn't even deserve my NHS membership. I bet Chicago will wish they could retroactively revoke my college admission when they find out.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 5:10 PM
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Proper honor society members would fix the messed-up grammar in my second sentence above. But not me!


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 5:13 PM
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Is 118 sadder than the picture of Jan and Lance?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 6:18 PM
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127:A sad story.

I have told people here that I was a) blackballed by three teachers from NHS and b) given three arbitrary 'D's in order to keep from being Valedictorian (out of 600), but have allowed the crowd to accept a vague moral turpitude as justifiable cause. I actually prefer that, but for grins here's the story, short and simple.

My state required a passing grade in Driver's education in order to get a driver's license. I failed the test twice, for reasons I don't remember, but akin to weak parallel parking. No accidents or violations or gross mistakes. Vut my teacher failed me. I did not protest or appeal, I am easy going to the point of immobility.

Two weeks after the 2nd failure, without me asking in any way, my father handed me a valid driver's license.

What was my 16 yr old self to do? I was on record in the county and state capital as having passed all the tests and qualifications. Refuse it? How was I going to get another?

At one point the three teachers closest to me stood me in a classroom and asked me how I got my license. I stood mute. He was my father. And then they gave me 'D's for "A" work.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 6:44 PM
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Hey, bob. In the end, not having been in the National Honors Society didn't matter that much, I hope; I don't know about not being Valedictorian. Not to mention the Ds. Your dad kind of messed up, there. But you had a driver's license.

Sad story.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 6:54 PM
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I have sometimes wondered if the teachers didn't go to the cops, and the cops told them there are a thousand people in fifty counties who could have falsified those records. We, the cops, are not going into it without a way in, a witness, which will have to be the boy.

But then my politically connected father was very close to most of the cops. I wasn't close to my father.

Who knows. Shit happens, huh.

Was I a very bad person?


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 6:58 PM
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Was I a very bad person?

Not even remotely. It sucks -- a lot -- that you were punished. There is no way a young lad of 16 should be expected to spill the beans in a situation like that.

You must know that.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 7:02 PM
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129: Yes. Yes it is.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 7:25 PM
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This is the only time and place I have ever discussed this story.

Those three teachers were very proud of and very invested in me, and very disappointed and frustrated.
Excellent people all, one of them is a famous good guy.

Thing is, they couldn't know I didn't ask my dad for the favor, and I didn't know any way to tell them. I just wanted to hide somewhere.

We had the NHS ceremonies in the basketball arena in front of the student body. Three times my peers went to the podium while I watched from the stands.

I was fucked up before, so I can't say it changed my life.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 7:25 PM
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That sucks, bob.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 7:48 PM
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129, 134: in some ways, yes. But I find it very life-affirming.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 7:49 PM
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Wow, that's a harsh reality to be hit with at a young age, bob.


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 8:08 PM
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I was mad & frustrated but I never really blamed the teachers. Like I said, as far as they knew I was complicit. I of course blamed my father, but this was after years of abuse, and irresponsibility and the stupid gesture was his style. He though he was cool and doing a good thing. He was a minor corrupt political functionary in a sundown town.

I keep wondering what what I could have done. I was just too scared to sit down and try to explain a felony, if a common one in certain local political circles, with these bright forty-year-olds.

The license was for an occasion. I didn't really care, and didn't drive, at all as I remember, for another year.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 8:23 PM
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What is big and purple and can't climb trees?

IT'S MOLE!


Posted by: M/tch M/lls | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:21 PM
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What is big and purple and can't climb trees?

Waves of grain.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:33 PM
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Waves of grain.

I think you mean mountain's majesty.


Posted by: CJB | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:38 PM
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Bob, you have my sympathy, that's a tough situation to be in.

They way that you tell the story now it feels like it's still an emotional memory for you, I can't imagine how trapped and frustrated you felt at the time.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:41 PM
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142: Possibly.


Posted by: Sandy McSouthers | Link to this comment | 02-17-10 9:58 PM
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118: has anyone else noticed that link shorteners are one of the worst Internet security ideas ever? Exploit case: Evil link shortener sends you to My.OsamaBinLaden.com or whatever and groks your browser context while it's at it to use in god knows what XSRF/XSS malarkey.

I actually know someone who's using this special power for good rather than evil, but that's another story and I think they've not gone public with the exploit yet.


Posted by: Alex | Link to this comment | 02-18-10 6:07 AM
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has anyone else noticed that link shorteners are one of the worst Internet security ideas ever?

Yes. Various corners talk intermittently of banning them. I'm opposed: without link shorteners, Rick Astley would be dead in a ditch somewhere.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-18-10 7:18 AM
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Various corners talk intermittently of banning them.

Hm. This is going to make it harder to sell my "takealengthylinkandsbbreviateitsomewhat.com" idea.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-18-10 7:24 AM
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For those who don't trust shortened links, someone could register www.loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooongurl.com to bring things back to normal.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 02-18-10 7:26 AM
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147: you'd think.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-18-10 7:26 AM
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Egad.


Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate | Link to this comment | 02-18-10 7:29 AM
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Meanwhile, on the subject of shock sites.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 02-18-10 5:09 PM
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I love 151.


Posted by: briefly visible | Link to this comment | 02-18-10 5:28 PM
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Thank you for 151.


Posted by: JRoth | Link to this comment | 02-19-10 9:14 AM
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