Re: I don't care what they say about us anyway

1

Never was a Weezer fan. Did like that sweater they ruined.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:03 PM
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Maaaaaaaaaaaaan, this is old news!

The metafilter thread on this was kind of amusing.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:07 PM
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Oops, sorry, Heebie. I didn't realize the piece was THREE WEEKS OLD.

The old Grid Magazine in Salt Lake City ran a bizarre interview with Cuomo some time in the late '90s. The interviewer kept asking questions about the music, but Cuomo would just go back to talking about getting hand jobs at massage parlors, or how wonderful it was to make love all night to an experienced, older Asian woman. The interview doesn't seem to be online.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:10 PM
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Ahem.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:11 PM
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Teo is four days ahead of the game.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:13 PM
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I feel set up.


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:13 PM
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Anyway, it's a good article. Definitely worth reading.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:14 PM
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6: Marion Barry would like to remind you to use the active voice when indicating you have been set up.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:15 PM
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Counterpoint: I didn't think it was a very good article.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:16 PM
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Set me up!


Posted by: heebie-geebie | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:16 PM
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Did anyone else read Grid back in the day? I wonder what happened to it. It's how Dooce and her husband met, I think.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:17 PM
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What struck me as Unfogged-fodder, in particular, was this:

I am not the world's leading expert on emotional maturity. I find that PJ Harvey song about mutilating dudes to be emotionally useful, on a more or less continual basis. But I will tell you this: The moment you, the female listener, break up with your internal Rivers Cuomo, the moment you renounce this particular mode of male expression and declare it no longer desirable or cute, the moment you no longer confuse the feeling of wanting to take a boy home and make him soup and somehow fix all his problems via blow job with love, is the moment that you're free. Because, at that point, you no longer care so much about his feelings. You still care, of course, about those. But never more than you care about your own.

Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:19 PM
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Oh my god. I cannot read this. The writing is unbearable. It's like a chaste Jason Pettus.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:19 PM
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The prose is, admittedly, a bit overwrought.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:20 PM
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Yeah, IME, nearly all of Sady's writing is really bad.

Apparently she misreads a few of the songs, too. Whatever.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:21 PM
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I used to misread songs until somebody told me a secret. The notes go "Every good boy does fine" only for the treble clef. For the one that starts with the backward c-looking thing, it goes "all cows eat grass."


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:27 PM
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2: Maybe you should stick to items from the latest issue of Rolling Stone, heebie.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:46 PM
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If this is the music threat, maybe somebody can explain something to me. On the radio the other day, a guy was singing "Take my order cause your body like a carry out." How is that a compliment?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:56 PM
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18: Justin Timberlake? That is a music threat.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 9:58 PM
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18 was written in a different clef. Also, I thought it was Timbaland, not Timberlake.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 10:05 PM
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16: FACE


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 10:05 PM
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21: Excited about the new A-Team movie?


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 10:06 PM
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Wait. Yes, FACE is the notes in between the lines, not EGBDF.


Posted by: Moby Hick | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 10:07 PM
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After reading a couple of pages of the article, I realize: I don't care about this.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 10:10 PM
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Haters, the lot of you.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 11:00 PM
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Odisse odientibus est esse.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 11:19 PM
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fuck, that was pretty compelling. I have to say I have always talked myself into the belief that in the lyrics of "no one else" rivers actually knew this was a psycho thing to want, and that he was merely inhabiting the character of the sexist asshole narrator. you know, like how rappers aren't actually always real gorillaz thuggin on the corners, but just like, rapping about it and shit?


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-18-10 11:52 PM
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See, alameida understands.

I have to say I have always talked myself into the belief that in the lyrics of "no one else" rivers actually knew this was a psycho thing to want, and that he was merely inhabiting the character of the sexist asshole narrator.

Yeah, that reading makes sense within the context of the Blue Album, but when you get to Pinkerton literally every song on the album is narrated by that character and it begins to cast it all in a different light.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:04 AM
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I liked two songs, then they went away, then there was a bunch of shit. A guy in my freshman dorm really liked them and I was like "oh that band is still around," then ten more years, and now they are like Blink 182, only without the integrity and thoughtfulness.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:17 AM
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I can say that the first time I heard the sweater song it was because a really awesome girl in my bio class was singing it in my vicinity and I was thinking, that's a rather titillating song, but I was then -- and for many subsequent years -- at a Rivers Cuomo level of awkwardness and so I just sat there.

And now I'm a big creep so it all makes sense.


Posted by: text | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:25 AM
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I was in the 27 position until "Buddy Holly" appeared on my radio and then I was all "fuck you asshole i bet you actually stroke it to japanese schoolgirls."


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:21 AM
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I just looked it up, and is it possible that "Buddy Holly" was a Blue Album song? I never had that one, just Pinkerton, and "BH" seemed to have come out later and lasted longer. I fucking hate that song.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:23 AM
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Also, the linked article was a decent read, but not a process that any woman who owns Pinkerton hasn't gone through. That Harvard undergrad thesis was pretty interesting though.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:31 AM
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AWB, not only is buddy holly is (the jokiest) blue album song, actually IT'S A GREAT FUCKING ALBUM AND YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW LIKE I AM. and then never listen to any other weezer. well, hash pipe is a pretty OK tune.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:56 AM
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Qua British I was barely aware of their existence beyond 'Buddy Holly', although I am aware there was a certain strain of UK speccy guitar pop -- yes, you Graham Coxon -- in the same tradition.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 3:24 AM
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you too nattarGcM. listen to the album already. "say it ain't so"? "my name is jonas"? fucking quality tracks all up in this bitch.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:17 AM
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I had no idea that I inhabited a universe in which Weezer was of such moment. The things one learns on the Internet!


Posted by: Flippanter | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 5:23 AM
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Like Flippanter, I'm a little shaken by the revelation that Weezer had actual fans. It isn't until this moment that I realized I had mixed up Weezer with Ween.

I had trouble getting through the article, since I can't imagine a subject I care about less than Weezer, but I thought the author was pretty funny. I liked this line:


"Then, "Pinkerton" came out. "Pinkerton" is the Weezer album that dudes like; or, in our current discourse, "the best Weezer album."


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:33 AM
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Our 2 y.o. loves "Island in the Sun." He asks to watch the music video on YouTube by requesting "Hip-Hip."


Posted by: Bonsaisue | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:54 AM
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island in the sun is a good tune too. walt...ween and weezer are not as massively disjunct as they could be, but nor are they what you would call similar. additionally the weezer dudes are probably not as stoned all the time.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:51 AM
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Now I personally never listened to much Weezer

Given what I know of your general demographics, I would have suspected this to be literally impossible. We must have lived in very different worlds.

The blue album is pure gold, start to finish.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:54 AM
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Brock knows what's up.


Posted by: alameida | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:59 AM
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After listening on YouTube, I'm surprised how much Weezer I've heard.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:06 AM
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I never listened to Weezer and am not aware of knowing any of their songs (aside from the Buddy Holly song whose video I remember), but I sort of liked the piece, because I'm interested in that whole insane overidentification thing that younger people do with music (and everything else I guess), no only in the boyfriend-projection variation (which is sometimes, I think, more empowering to young women than it sounds), but the broader usually-but-not-always-teenaged this really speaks to me, man thing.

[All that there is crazily written even for me, but, fuck it, you know what I mean.]


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:11 AM
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Yeah, apparently I'm too old to have the weird relationship with Weezer that other people report (I was ~5 years out of college and expecting my first kid when Pinkerton came out), but I never gave the lyrics much, if any, thought. I'm just a sucker for big, crunchy power pop and Weezer has generally done a bang-up job of that.

As for pop songs about lust for teenaged girls? Really? We're supposed to be squicked by that? Because you're talking about a huge number of songs, going back to at least the '50s. It's as conventional as shooting your spouse in country, and nobody's worried that Johnny Cash or the Dixie Chicks are harboring murderous intents.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:18 AM
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16 et al: We didn't even get a cute mnemonic for alto clef.
[cue sad trombone noise, transposed for viola]


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:24 AM
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Pop songs about lust for teenage girls always squicked me, even when I was a teenager and sleeping with teenage girls. The opening line of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" always bothered me, for example. The difference is not the presence of intent, but the ability to get away with it. I'm sure the lead singer of Weezer, in his prime, could sleep with a steady diet of teenagers.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:36 AM
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Incidentally, the boxing piece on the Awl, on the recent Khan/Malignaggi bout was very good, too.


Posted by: nattarGcM ttaM | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:37 AM
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Someguy, get out of my mind, my love for you is way out of line, you better run, 'guy, you're much too young, 'guy.

But seriously -- wasn't that song supposed to be a little squicky?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:38 AM
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I always hoped you wouldn't hold my youth and inexperience against me.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:41 AM
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and then never listen to any other weezer.

I love the big-ass bassline on "The Good Life".


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:43 AM
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wasn't that song supposed to be a little squicky?

Yes, but after 50 years of such songs, are they really packing a punch any more? The bar is so much higher these days.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:43 AM
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when you get to Pinkerton literally every song on the album is narrated by that character and it begins to cast it all in a different light.

Concept albums are like that, you know.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:46 AM
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I just finally read the Weezer thing. I'm not sure I've ever read something I found so compelling whose tone I simultaneously found so labored a read.

Also: I had the understanding that Pinkerton as a whole was a concept album based loosely on Madame Butterfluy. Is that not a commonly held belief? (The author mentions the opera but almost in passing.)


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:48 AM
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52: We've already established that the most shocking song of all time is Tik-Tok.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:50 AM
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I liked this comment from the MeFi thread about the article:

Page 1: Read. The rest won't load.
Summary of this page: I liked Weezer when I was 12. Rivers was 24 at the time. How creepy does that make him?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:51 AM
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Far down that particular road of squick: Judy Garland singing "You Made me Love You (I didn't want to do it)" in the persona of a girl obsessed with Clark Gable.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:52 AM
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Butterfluy

I simply have lost my ability to spell. I apologize to everyone.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:55 AM
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54: The author explains that. Or at least, I learned that from the article, and assumed, before reading on, that "Pinkerton" was a reference to union bashing private detectives, rather than the tenor role of Peenkairtone (this always makes me laugh).


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:59 AM
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Who's Weezer? Who's Ween?

Read Chamber Music this weekend, written when 20-22 year old Jimmy was wandering Dublin disconsolate, getting bj's from whores and dreaming of teenage girls. (Yeah, it was published from Polo and Trieste, but written earlier) He spoke a pidgin Italian with his family.

I blame that repressed pervert Dante.

It's that time of year again, but I don't know how to approach the Big Book in a fresh way that will provide any emotional satisfaction. Very hard work to forget stuff.


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:59 AM
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57: Yes! The whole "verse" to that is very, very weird.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:59 AM
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I had never heard of Weezer / Rivers Cuomo before this thread. I've led a sheltered existence, apparently.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:03 AM
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Ween sucks.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:05 AM
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63: You dreamed that the Dean Ween would marry the teenage you, didn't you?


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:12 AM
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Oh, gosh, you have no idea how much I've been hoping for a tigerbeatdown thread on unfogged -- seriously. I've been reading them regularly since the m leblanc pieces, and I feel like they've basically been doing interesting stuff but that it's frustrating that there isn't a place to kick the ideas around a bit, and the comment section there is not helpful.

I liked the piece, a lot. But I'm stating from the position of being very much in favor of non-music writers writing about music. I think the biggest virtue of that essay is that is isn't lazy. I didn't mind the style that much, but it's really hard to write about music in a way that actually explains, rather than just gesturing (compare that article to the m leblanc piece about "dude music" for example, which I also liked, sady has both thought a lot more about what, precisely, it is that she means, and written about it).

Summary of this page: I liked Weezer when I was 12. Rivers was 24 at the time. How creepy does that make him?

Hey, if Nick Hornby can write at least one novel from the perspective of a middle aged guy talking about how pop music ruined his life, why not one essay on a similar theme written with the perspective of an adolescent girl's pop music crushes.

That is to say, I don't think she's actually writing about River Cuomo as much as about her relationship and the relationship that she perceives other people having with the music.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:13 AM
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64: I proabably hate Ween more than is merited due to Peen, a Ween cover band that everyone in town flips their shit over every six months or so.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:15 AM
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64: I spent the entire evening with him at a party (circa 1991) with no clue who he was -- he certainly introduced himself to me with a different (presumably his given) name. This was in Philadelphia. At about 3 am he decided to walk to New Hope. Weird dude.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:18 AM
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59: You're perhaps the only person who might be amused to know (if you don't) that in German translation, Pinkerton is or at some point was rendered as Linkerton because "Pinker" was I guess a German word for dick. Appropriately. There was some similar reason that he's F.B. Pinkerton in some languages and B.F. in others, but I never remember exactly what.


Posted by: Mister Smearcase | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:19 AM
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During college, Ween played with just about every band I liked, so I ended up seeing them like ten times. I developed a theory about Ween, which is that exactly every other Ween song is terrible. It's not an average; it literally goes: good song, bad song, good song, bad song.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:22 AM
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69: You should have gotten ahold of their setlists and marked out every other song.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:23 AM
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70: The theory went deeper than that; it was that it didn't matter what order the songs went in. It would still come out as: good song, bad song.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:25 AM
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Like, fractal song quality, man.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:26 AM
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71: Ah, so just go get a beer during the bad songs. Downside: you might die if they play a long set.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:29 AM
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According to Google Maps, you can walk from Philadelphia to New Hope in a mere 10 hours and 50 minutes.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:33 AM
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Also: the love for "Buddy Holly" is a bit surprising. Most people I know who like Weezer classify their best album as either Pinkerton or "The Blue Album—<serious face>except for "Buddy Holly"</serious face>".


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:40 AM
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It is such a terrible song. Maybe the lyrics are interesting or something, as someone said above, but goddamn I hate it. It wasn't just that they played it every three minutes on MTV, either. I distinctly remember having very positive, hopeful feelings about this Weezer thing, and then, by the time that song ended, my aesthetic temperature was through the floor. Despise!

For some reason, when my friends play Rock Band, it is imperative that I sing all the Weezer songs. The hard thing is that they seem to have Auto-Tuned the shit out of the vocals before rendering them, so my extremely accurate between-the-notes Cuomo impersonation gets me a C. (sad face)


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:46 AM
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Buddy Holly is a cute song. It's peppy and fun. I don't understand the hatin'.


Posted by: Bonsaisue | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:47 AM
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Though I can understand hating any song just by virtue of it's having been played to death.


Posted by: Bonsaisue | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:48 AM
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It wasn't just that they played it every three minutes on MTV, either.

Goddamnit, I need to read more carefully. Back to lurksville I go.


Posted by: Bonsaisue | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:50 AM
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Buddy Holly is a cute song. It's peppy and fun. I don't understand the hatin'.

My take—and I've never been a super-duper Weezer fanboy, but some of my best friends, yadda-yadda—is that super-duper Weezer fanboys find it an unserious, silly interruption to the important work that the Blue Album is doing. (To underscore: this is my take on their take, and I'm not making any claims about the Blue Album doing anything.)

To the general non-fanboy public, it's probably just another catchy pop song, which, as AWB indicates, was overplayed in its heyday.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:54 AM
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I don't have any narrative or theoretical reason for hating "Buddy Holly"; it just makes my blood run cold. It feels false to me.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:58 AM
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81: I'm pretty meh on it in the same way. But seeing as it's the one fucking Weezer song my band chose to cover (which decision was made before I was in the band), I've been heading pretty quickly over to chilled-blood territory for some time now. I can, however, report that people in general seem to love the shit out of that song.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:04 AM
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(BTW, I am watching Glee--my mother likes talking about it--and the episode from last night features NPH playing a singer from Ohio who has worked at all these particular venues before turning to drugs, which is exactly the story of my best friend from college in Ohio, who not only sang at all those particular venues and became an addict, but once auditioned for a big-time role against NPH that NPH got.)


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:05 AM
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(sad face)
There was an RnB song with interesting lyrics a few months back, I learn from the internet by someone named Trey Songz:


Shorty just text me, says she want to sex me
LOL smiley face, LOL smiley face
Shorty sent a twitpic saying come and get this,
LOL smiley face, LOL smiley face

Is typing "sad face" OK but ":(" not?


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:10 AM
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Not Prince Hamlet is on Glee?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:17 AM
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I've been thinking about it this whole thread, and I really don't like Weezer. Mostly cuzza ol' Pedophile Island's voice.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:33 AM
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Okay, but how many white-boy indie rock bands *do* you like, Tweety? Any?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:43 AM
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I just know I can think of one if I work on it. Does !!! count?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:46 AM
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Yeah, why not?


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:47 AM
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I bet Tweety's a closeted Brokencyde fan. Do they count?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:48 AM
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No.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:48 AM
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The opening line of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" always bothered me, for example.

"Yeah, I'll tell you something, I think you'll understand." Right, totally unacceptable.


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:49 AM
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Chromeo? Animal Collective?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:49 AM
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"I Saw Her Standing There", maybe?


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:50 AM
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AHA! Hot Chip. Hot Chip has to count.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:51 AM
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I don't like Weezer, but I did like Sady's article.

Can we all agree, however, that this post (not by sady) was irritating.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:52 AM
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Sweet Little Sixteen
She's got the grown up blues
Tight dress and lipstick
She's sportin' high heal shoes
Oh, but tomorrow morning
She'll have to change her trend
And be sweet sixteen
And back in class again


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:54 AM
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94: That is what I figured. But weren't they 19 or something when they wrote it? I had boyfriends older than 19 (but younger than 25!) when I was 17, and it never seemed particularly naughty. But I guess it's the "just 17" and "you know what I mean."


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:56 AM
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Now I'm curious if I like any "white-boy indie rock bands"

Do they have to be currently active bands? I like The Long Winters, though I only have one of their albums.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:56 AM
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94 has to be it. I was very confused there for a bit.

Walt: you're playing your records upside-down.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:56 AM
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Do they have to be currently active bands?

I don't think so. Is Weezer currently active?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:57 AM
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I was really into The Feelies at one point. They were a white-boy indie rock band, but when it was called "college rock" I guess.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:58 AM
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92: I was puzzled there as well, but "I Saw Her Standing There" makes more sense. Still not creepy, though -- while I'm not going to figure out how old the Beatles were at the time, the song sounds like it's from the perspective of an age-appropriate boy.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:00 AM
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.. Yacht, too. Man. Is there a white boy indie rock band I don't like? Oh, right. Weezer.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:01 AM
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Oh, oh. I like Vampire Weekend (the 2d album is kinda eh, but I am really fond of the first one).


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:04 AM
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Is Pavement deprecated for some reason?


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:04 AM
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Is Weezer currently active?

Released an album in 2009.

So are pervy lyrics creepier or just sillier coming from Gene Simmons instead of Cuomo?

I don't usually say things like this to girls your age,
But when I saw you coming out of the school that day,
That day I knew, I knew,
I've got to have you, I've got to have you.
She's been around, but she's young and clean
I've got to have her, can't live without her
Whoa no! Christine sixteen.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:06 AM
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106: by me, or in general?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:06 AM
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Pavement is from a town of a many talented musicians, if I do say so myself.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:07 AM
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105: Then again, VW aren't entirely white, so, uh, raus mit ihnen!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:07 AM
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a


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:07 AM
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Blandings, I love Pavement, but then I like white-boy indie rock in most of its incarnations, so. Certainly they have been denigrated in this space previously.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:08 AM
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107: Thanks. I will now have "I knew, I knew!" in my head all day.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:08 AM
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You're welcome!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:09 AM
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115

For the Creepiest Song Lyrics Ever award, I nominate Lynyrd Skynyrd's "What's Your Name?"

Well, its 8 o'clock in Boise, Idaho
I'll find my limo driver
Mister, take us to the show
I done made some plans for later on tonight
I'll find a little queen
And I know I can treat her right.

(Chorus)
What's your name, little girl?
What's your name?
Shootin' you straight, little girl?
Won't you do the same?.

Back at the hotel
Lord we got such a mess
It seems that one of the crew
Had a go with one of the guests, oh yes
Well, the police said we can't drink in the bar
What a shame
Won't you come upstairs girl
And have a drink of champagne

What's your name, little girl?
What's your name?
Shootin' you straight, little girl?
For there ain't no shame.

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

9 o'clock the next day
And I'm ready to go
I got six hundred miles to ride
To do one more show, oh no
Can I get you a taxi home
It sure was grand
When I come back here next year
I wanna see you again

What was your name, little girl?
What's your name?
Shootin' you straight, little girl?
Well there ain't no shame
What was your name, little girl?
What's your name?
Shootin' you straight, little girl?
Won't you do the same?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:12 AM
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You just hurt Kool Keith's feelings, Stanley.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:13 AM
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What? "Shootin' you straight"? Not "Shouldn't you stay?"? What the heck does "Shootin' you straight" mean?


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:13 AM
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115: Not even close -- mostly because I've always taken that as generic infantilizing speech about women, rather than referring to an actual "little" "girl."

Maybe "Girl, You'll Be a Woman, Soon"?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:15 AM
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I don't want to turn this into a contest, but 115 shouldn't even break into the top 50 for the Creepiest Song Lyrics Ever award.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:16 AM
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Pavement is from a town of a many talented musicians, if I do say so myself.

Sacto, Northern Cal?

I mean, I know Steve Malkmus picked up Bob Nastanovich in Charlottesville, but he's not exactly a talented musician.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:16 AM
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"Girl, You'll Be a Woman, Soon"

Blanket immunity by virtue of its awesomness.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:17 AM
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Goddammit, now that's going to be in my head for weeks.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:17 AM
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This might help, Brock.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:20 AM
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I always find "I'm On Fire" the slightest bit creepy. But I love it anyway.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:23 AM
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Or this.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:23 AM
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What? "Shootin' you straight"? Not "Shouldn't you stay?"? What the heck does "Shootin' you straight" mean?

Yeah, I furrowed my brow at that, too. Not sure if that's a lyric site mistake or really the original lyric.

I mean, I know Steve Malkmus picked up Bob Nastanovich in Charlottesville, but he's not exactly a talented musician.

Rightly or wrongly, C-ville claims Malkmus. Not sure why, exactly. Maybe it's just so the indie kids can have their Dave Matthews, too.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:24 AM
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Sorry, but these nominees are at best runners-up in the creepiest song competition. The champion and three-time title winner is "Into the Night" by Benny Mardones:

She's just sixteen years old
Leave her alone, they say
Separated by fools
Who don't know what love is yet
But I want you to know

If I could fly
I'd pick you up
I'd take you into the night
And show you a love
Like you've never seen, ever seen


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:25 AM
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Blanket immunity by virtue of its awesomeness.

No way, dude. I hated that song the first time I heard it, for being patronizing and creepy. I haven't wavered from that since. Similarly, I hated Roxanne (which sounds whiny, in addition to being controlling and creepy) and American Woman, because, like, I'm an American woman. You don't got to like me, Lenny, but if you're going to sing about it, I'm not going to like you either.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:25 AM
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125: And Jerry Lee didn't just talk the talk.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:25 AM
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The Kinks' "Art Lover", but that's creepy on purpose.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:26 AM
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Sacto, Northern Cal?

Stockton. Don't take away what little claims to fame the town has. That, and the eighth pitcher ever (or something like that) to pitch a perfect game.


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:26 AM
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"Every Breath You Take" is enormously creepy, but was supposed to be. It surely has to be the creepiest song played by people at their weddings to show everyone how deep their love is.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:27 AM
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130: A great song! "Pretty little legs, I want to draw them, like Degas ballerina . . ."


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:28 AM
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126: You're not familiar with the term "straight shooter"? He's being completely above board with her, so she should tell him her name.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:28 AM
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I hear the click-clack of your feet on the stairs
I know you're no scare-eyed honey.
There'll be a feast if you just come upstairs
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime

I can see that you're fifteen years old
No I don't want your I.D.
I can see you're so far from home
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime

Oh yeah, you're a strange stray cat
Oh yeah, don'tcha scratch like that
Oh yeah, you're a strange stray cat
Bet your mama don't know you scream like that
I bet your mother don't know you can spit like that.

You look so weird and you're so far from home
But you don't really miss your mother
Don't look so scared I'm no mad-brained bear
But it's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime
Oh, yeah
Woo!

I bet your mama don't know that you scatch like that
I bet she don't know you can bite like that.

You say you got a friend, that she's wilder than you
Why don't you bring her upstairs
If she's so wild then she can join in too
It's no hanging matter
It's no capital crime

Oh yeah, you're a strange stray cat
Oh yeah, don'tcha scratch like that
Oh yeah, you're a strange stray cat
I bet you mama don't know you can bite like that
I'll bet she never saw you scratch my back


Posted by: OFE | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:29 AM
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You're not familiar with the term "straight shooter"?

No, it's a plausible lyric. I had just always heard it as Brock did: "Shouldn't you stay?" Could be a 'scuse-me-while-I-kiss-this-guy thing.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:30 AM
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"Girl, You'll Be a Woman, Soon"

I realize that I was thinking of, "Let Me Sleep Beside You" which has the lyric, "Child, you're a woman now."


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:31 AM
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Four young chiquitas in Omaha


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:31 AM
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135 wins . . . something.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:33 AM
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||

So long as I'm being crotchety, did this story over at Ezra's bother anyone else? The immensely strong darkskinned lifelong servant who gave his life for the family he lived with? This is the very parable of Uncle Tom, isn't it? Aren't we supposed to be long past that story? Booo!

|>


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:34 AM
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127: Neighbor, please.

Now your brother's gone
You've been coming around
You're a little bit young,
But a little bit pretty
So I guess that's fine
You wanna mess around?
Yeah I guess that's fine
We'll mess around
You'll make me smile
Just you wait and see
Your body will be found
Before your hair can grow
Grow out long
Long white fingernails
Push 'em down
Turn your head around


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:34 AM
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"Straight shooter" always seems to have some kind of sexual meaning. When I was a kid, I figured it described a particularly desirable feature of intercourse with the singer--he's not one of those wavy or curly shooters--but it never came clear. Obviously, it doesn't mean, "You might think I'm a homosexual, but I'm not." It doesn't seem to imply that the singer has a big "gun." It seems directional. I don't know if absolutely straight "shooting" even sounds that appealing.

This post brought to you by my virginity.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:35 AM
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"You're just too YOUNG GIRL" (already mentioned) is surely the creepiest mainstream pop song in this category, but surely Serge Gainsbourg wins thei lifetime acheivement award for creepy pedo songs. I mean, he did a duet called "lemon incest" with his 12 yo daughter.


Posted by: Roberto balfodd | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:36 AM
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136: I think you're thinking of Ned. I've always thought it was "shootin' you straight."


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:37 AM
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141: Might as well just go all-out and start citing Jesus Lizard lyrics, now.

Singing along to "Puss" on one's Discman in high school: bad idea.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:37 AM
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143: Well, the title of the Gainsbourg song is way less "on the nose" in French -- "Un zeste de citron." It's a pun! But who is it here that shares my Melody Nelson worship? Halford? NPH?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:42 AM
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144: Yeah, Ned. Guilty of commenting too quickly.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:47 AM
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146 -- me! Simultaneous best and creepiest lyrics ever. "she had red hair, and it was her natural color.". What a great album, though.

Also, Les sucettes is nice and pedotadtstc. And I feel like I'm only scratching the surface with SG.


Posted by: Robert Halford | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:53 AM
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148: Les sucettes is marvellous, and wins SG bonus creepy points -- as if he needs them! -- for being written for a teenaged girl who by all accounts had no idea what she was singing.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:55 AM
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131: Don't forget Chris Isaak.


Posted by: Josh | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:59 AM
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Oh, good. A France Gall earworm is much better than a Rivers Cuomo one.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:04 PM
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I'll tell you who's creepy: Jonas Brothers (also: why isn't it The Jonas Brothers? mildly annoying, that). Does anyone really believe those dudes don't want to sleep with underaged girls?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:04 PM
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152: They're ring-wearing virginity pledgers, right? So, they're only after anal.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:14 PM
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Bob Markley broke the mold


Posted by: bob mcmanus | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:18 PM
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Bob Markley?


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:23 PM
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155: Bob's reggae-singing alter ego.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:35 PM
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156: Bob as in "bob"... I can blow them sky-high when I really put my mind to it.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:36 PM
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Bob Markley.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:36 PM
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[b]ob's reggae-singing alter ego.

Wouldn't that be Bob Barkley, with his hit single, "No Woobie, No Cry"?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:38 PM
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Anyone actually believe France Gall when she says she didn't know that the lyrics of 'Les sucettes' had any sexual connotations?

Annie aime les sucettes
Les sucettes à l'anis
Les sucettes à l'anis
D'Annie
Donnent à ses baisers
Un goût ani-
sé lorsque le sucre d'orge
Parfumé à l'anis
Coule dans la gorge d'Annie
Elle est au paradis


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:38 PM
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I believed the Andrews Sisters when they said they didn't realize Rum and Coca-Cola was about prostitution.


Posted by: Megan | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:41 PM
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I nominate the first line of "The Little Drummer Boy".


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:45 PM
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Unless you've never heard of the concept of a blow job it's impossible to miss.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:48 PM
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Annie likes lollipops
Lollipop anise
Lollipop anise
From Annie
Give her kisses
Taste animal
se when the barley sugar
Perfumed with aniseed
Slides down Annie's throat
She is in paradise


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:52 PM
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Maybe it's more provocative in French.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:53 PM
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If anyone posts creepy lyrics in the meter of the heebie's rhyme post, the internet will explode. Fact.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:55 PM
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163: Well, I agree, mostly, but she *was* super young, and France, which would later temporarily ban "Je t'aimes, moi non plus" never tried to ban it.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:56 PM
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Yeah, I meant "I Wanna Hold Your Hand". I picked it because it's a song that most people regard as innocuous. Oudemia is right -- it's the combination of "just" and "you know what I mean" that gets me. ("You know what I mean" sounds like a lyric from the Knack.) An age-appropriate boy would say "just"? When I was 19 and I had a 17-year old girlfriend, I didn't think of her as "just" 17.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:56 PM
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Yeah, I meant "I Wanna Hold Your Hand".

I repeat: you're playing your records upside-down.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:58 PM
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165: The translation is cuckoo (because of the anisé being carried over a line, etc.). The chorus has a more explicit pun, "Pour quelques pennies, Annie
A ses sucettes à l'anis."


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 12:59 PM
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170: For a few pennies, Annie
At its aniseed lollipops

?


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:01 PM
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163: Unless you've never heard of the concept of a blow job it's impossible to miss.

Hmm, and here I interpreted the "rump-a-pump-pump" as something completely different.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:02 PM
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Lollipop in French is sucette which literally means little suck and is slang for a blow job. Anis is pronounced like Annie and rhymes with 'pennies' (in the next verse) which is pronounced like penis. I think the connotations of her being in paradise when the lollipops' sugar drips down her throat her pretty clear in any language. The song also speaks of the lollipops as 'little sticks' in her mouth.

See also the original video for the song


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:04 PM
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"It's Cold Outside".


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:05 PM
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171: "Pennies" is pronounced in French more less exactly the same as "pénis." This may be more marked by "pennies" not being such a common way to talk about money in French, but I don't know if that's true. Also that first "a" is a very so it's: "For a few pennies, Annie has licorice lollipops."

So, that combined with a lot of talk about sucking and having things run down one's throat.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:06 PM
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How about those Delacorta mysteries; Nana, Diva, Luna, maybe there was another one, for creepiest mystery novels in the same vein?


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:06 PM
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The song also speaks of the lollipops as 'little sticks' in her mouth.

Oh right -- les petits batons.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:06 PM
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Plus, for those who haven't clicked on it, the video is all big dancing penises and France Gall slowly moving a penis shaped lollipop in and out of her mouth in between singing the words.


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:09 PM
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162, 174: Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:10 PM
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I'm not saying you're wrong, but if I were blissfully innocent and thought that a song was about lollipops, the fact that it involved sucking and little sticks wouldn't exactly throw me off. Sugar dripping down my throat is similarly non-conclusive.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:10 PM
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Hmm... 178 is a little tougher to explain.


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:11 PM
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Stormcrow, you're on a fool's errand here. Christ was born without sex. Therefore, Christmas is like the least sexy day ever, and its songs follow suit.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:13 PM
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Therefore, Christmas is like the least sexy day ever, and its songs follow suit.

Billy Mumy begs to differ.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:14 PM
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162, 174, 179:


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:17 PM
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178: Wow, so it is. Not very subtle, either.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:17 PM
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God censored KR!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:17 PM
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"censored" s/b "smote"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:19 PM
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Try again! Amateurs.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:22 PM
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Holy fuck. Do I have a tumor that makes it impossible for me to type the name of that song? I'm going to do it now. "I Saw Her Standing There". Is that right? I look at it and I see "I Saw Her Standing There." You know, with lots of the standing there, and not so much with the holding hands. Of course, with the tumor, you're all going to see "I Wanna Hold Your Hand."


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:23 PM
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How trustworthy are youtube comments?

"Please note that the 3 girls sucking suggestively on the lollipops were added later when editing final version. The story stands that France did not see them during the shooting."


Posted by: Brock Landers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:24 PM
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How trustworthy are youtube comments?

Seriously? Don't make me bring out the xkcd again.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:27 PM
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Rightly or wrongly, C-ville claims Malkmus.

He's ours now, C-ville bitchez. Plus some guy from Weezer, I think, but I can't be bothered to look it up.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:33 PM
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She also claims that the general public had no clue that the lyrics had any sexual connotations ("De toute façon, le public l'a prise lui aussi comme une chanson pour enfant.").


Posted by: teraz kurwa my | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 1:33 PM
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192: Well, I guess we'll just have to settle for DMB and that guy Modest Mouse let in much later than the the other dudes.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:11 PM
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194: Hey, at least you're not stuck with Brokencyde and the Shins (who ended up moving to, yes, Portland).


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:14 PM
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195: True (though I like the Shins, but the gusty bus and all that). Ooh, Sissy Spacek must count, too. Especially if you consider that we're being quite gracious about the burden of abiding John Grisham in our midst.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:23 PM
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Oh, I like the Shins too, but one good band does not a thriving music scene make.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:37 PM
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Not that "thriving music scene" is exactly what we're talking about, but close enough.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:38 PM
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At first I thought 195 meant that Brokencyde had moved to Portland, and when I googled to find out I found a facebook page proclaiming "Brokencyde and Jeffree Star live in Portland!" Fortunately, that turned out to be "live" with a long i.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:46 PM
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||

My idea about withholding resources as a weapon in the war over Arizona's immigration law has been taken up, but not in the way I expected.

|>


Posted by: rob helpy-chalk | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:46 PM
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||
Oh my.

A New Orleans news presenter left colleagues stunned and embarrassed when he blurted out, "So she's enjoying penis a little bit more, is she?" live on the air.

Gotta love live TV.
|>


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:48 PM
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C'mon, Xzibit? That one guy from Beirut?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:48 PM
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Xzibit isn't the ONLY musician from Beirut.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:50 PM
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201: I can't figure out how that's a gaffe. I mean, it's not like he meant to say something else and slipped.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:51 PM
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Either way, it's awesome. Keep fucking that chicken, on-air dude.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:52 PM
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I think I was confusing the (recent) band Beirut with the (less recent) band Berlin. Look, teo, the guy from the band Beirut! They're a going concern, apparently!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:52 PM
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I don't see why that's any more embarrassing than anything else they could have said about G-spot surgery.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:54 PM
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204: Remember, a gaffe is when you accidentally say something true.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings-Kinsley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:56 PM
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The delivery was awesome -- no sense that he thought he was saying anything funny at all. Just a calmly perky "enjoying that penis".


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 2:59 PM
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201: But he really doesn't seem to be bothered by what he said, so good for him.

Everyone should strive to enjoy penis a little bit more.


Posted by: togolosh | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 3:03 PM
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208: but it wasn't an accident! He intentionally said something true in an entirely matter-of-fact way.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 3:14 PM
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I was wondering if I should mention Xzibit, but then I thought, who cares about Xzibit? I should have realized the answer was Sifu.

The Beirut guy is from Santa Fe, although he apparently did go to UNM.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 3:36 PM
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213

211 => 209


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 3:43 PM
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212: I may not care, but wikipedia does.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:05 PM
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"Thanks for clarifying that, Michael."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:11 PM
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214: [citation needed]


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:11 PM
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216: Indeed.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:12 PM
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pfff.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:13 PM
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Counterpoint.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:17 PM
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Also.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:17 PM
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The list in 218 does look pretty accurate, but it doesn't seem to have been incorporated into many of the articles on the people in question.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:24 PM
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I loved Deepsky in '96-'98 or so. Nice guys, too. I think they moved to Vegas and broke into big-time DJing.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:24 PM
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Huh, per their wikipedia page they're in LA. Shows what I know. I think I have that Fragrant release somewhere, though.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 4:26 PM
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Awesome thirteen-year-old on drums—and she's Asian, so it's totes topical!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 5:46 PM
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Janelle Monae was nervous, but killed it on Letterman. I am available for making out ANY TIME, Janelle. CALL ME.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 5:55 PM
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225: Goddamn. Second chorus, when she really starts cutting loose: fuck yeah! I bet that's a super fun backing band to play in.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:02 PM
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224 and 225 are both great.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:24 PM
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||
Virginians, what is there to do in this fine state of ours? I'm taking Friday off and we're hoping to do something fun with our infant and toddler in tow.
|>


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:30 PM
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228: Monticello! They've re-done it (sorta recently) and are much more up-front about the Hemmings stuff now in an interesting way.

Or, huh, kids? That might be boring for them. Assateague?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:36 PM
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229: UVA graduation this weekend? Be kinda packed, I bet.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:37 PM
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229, continued: Might be your last chance to visit the coast for a long time.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:38 PM
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230: Oh, yeah. Never mind. Steer far and wide of my burg this weekend. Traffic's a nightmare and I think it's supposed to rain here anyway.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:40 PM
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225: you and Bave were entirely correct about that video, by the way.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 6:42 PM
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Everyone should strive to enjoy penis a little bit more.

Whatcha all been talking about lately? Traffic on Assateague? I think it's true that you have to book space there a fair bit in advance starting from this time of year on. As for Monticello, do you think the infant and toddler will be interested in the Hemmings angle?


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:05 PM
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Mt. Vernon's pretty interesting. Not quite as impressive as Monticello, but interesting nonetheless.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:06 PM
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do you think the infant and toddler will be interested in the Hemmings angle?

I pretty explicitly qualified to say I thought that would actually be the wrong choice for a number of reasons.

Another idea! And you could meet up with Will and his wonderful fam!


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:15 PM
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I think you should enjoy penis a big more.


Posted by: Opinionated Virginia is for Lovers | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:23 PM
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236.1: True, true. Have you heard about that Blumenthal guy in Connecticut? Turns out he's been lying about his Vietnam war record all this time. I read this in the NYT, which, I know, hippie newspaper, but they dig up facts we might not know about otherwise. Just ignore that Gail Collins woman, good grief.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:23 PM
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238: Are you trolling? There's a whole damn thread (two, really) and 100+ comments on it.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:28 PM
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I'm not sure what she's doing, exactly, but I don't think it's trolling.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:29 PM
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237: I know I quite enjoy mine. But any others--I just don't think I could get past the smell.

Monticello was the first thing I thought of, and Cville generally. Then my wife discovered the grad wkd issue.

We can do Mt Vernon any time, so we were hoping for a wee trip. What about the Chesapeake? Assateague is on that body o water, yes? I know my wife speaks of some kind of swimmng ponies near there.


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:32 PM
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Assateague is on the Atlantic.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:34 PM
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241: Yeah, Chincoteague/Assateague has famous wild ponies. They are indeed a sight to see (including for a toddler), and it's quite gorgeous. And get you some blue crab before the oil comes. That's my vote.

Lodging might be tough, but a day trip is not implausible.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:35 PM
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What about Williamsburg? That's a more kid-friendly sort of historical place.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:35 PM
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Harper's Ferry is supposed to be nice. (I've never stopped there, but I've gone through on the train.)


Posted by: fake accent | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:36 PM
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Ah, ok


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:36 PM
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swimmng ponies

Beware: they kick and bite. (But really, it's a great spot. And given that the Atlantic coast is probably done for, you might want to check it out before it's too late.)


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:36 PM
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Harper's Ferry is nice.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:37 PM
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Since I've been listening to these hippie news sources, I must say I've been interested in the story of this Paul Rand in Kentucky -- a member of the TP contingent apparently. I heard a story about him this morning -- the commentator said his name is "Paul Rand." I dunno, I'd never heard of him myself.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:37 PM
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Sorry, it appears that they bite and kick rather than kicking and biting. Still, a wonderful spot. I fell in love with my wife there.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:38 PM
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Williamsburg is certainly on the ball when it comes to domain registration.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:39 PM
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It appears that parsimon is drunk. Excellent.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:39 PM
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251: I bet Jamestown was totes pissed about that one, let alone, like, everyone else.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:40 PM
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How old are the kids?


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:40 PM
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Man. I hope all the blue crab doesn't go away. I am deeply disturbed that this oil spill might affect me personally.

(Actually, I cooked some soft shell crabs the other day, and I did have a bit of a twinge.)


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:41 PM
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229: No way, dude. Mr. Dances With Wolves is totes going to save us all.

About 70 BP workers are taking more suggestions at a tip line center in Houston. The company plans to test one idea from actor Kevin Costner -- a centrifuge device to vacuum up the oil -- but that was not delivered through the suggestion-box system.

Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:42 PM
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I always knew you were all about you, Jetpack!


Posted by: New Orleans blogger guy | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:42 PM
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I know, right?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:43 PM
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You can have crabs forever if you want to, Tweety.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:44 PM
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Uh, sorry, 256 should have referred to 231. The one about the oil spill, ya know?


Posted by: | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:45 PM
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(And you guys: penis jokes are few and far between here. One was offered up, and it registered for me as a counter to recent threads.)

TJ, Assateague and Chincoteague are really nice. I've only ever camped there, and that would be challenging with an infant and toddler, but if you can find accommodation, it's recommended. I think things don't really get packed until after Memorial Day. It would still be quite cool, climate-wise, there.

Seconding the Harper's Ferry recommendation.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 7:45 PM
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Assateague is nice before mosquito season. Buy a big pop-up sunscreen, as the beach is a national park. There's a days inn that's charmless, but probably has vacancies after all the cottages fill. You can rent bikes with tagalongs.

The walking at Harper's ferry is nice, the town's small-- good for two days, maybe three with kids that age.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:02 PM
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I love Assateague! Not really any good restaurants though.


Posted by: Cryptic ned | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:05 PM
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AJs is good, also the little Vietnamese place right by the bridge. The owner only opens over the summer, though.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:08 PM
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I do not have an infant or toddler, but I think I'd go for Harper's Ferry. I'd expect myself to want some comforts and amenities, and an easier retreat to same, if need be, than Assateague or Chincoteague might provide. It really depends on your orientation.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:09 PM
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And you guys: penis jokes are few and far between here. One was offered up, and it registered for me as a counter to recent threads.

One way to react to this would have been to make some penis jokes of your own.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:11 PM
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Hmm thanks for the suggestions. They are now up for consideration!


Posted by: Turgid Jacobian | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:12 PM
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Girls don't have penis jokes, silly.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:12 PM
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Yeah, what a cockamamie idea, teo.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:14 PM
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To make two penis jokes is to lack integrity.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:14 PM
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266: Another way is to run around briefly saying silly, confusing things.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:15 PM
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comforts and amenities,

Neither place has a surgeon that will do the G-spot enhancement, but there's probably a tanning place by HF somewhere.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:16 PM
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271: Clearly.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:17 PM
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Another way is to run around briefly saying silly, confusing things.

Par for the course, really.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:17 PM
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Girls don't have penis jokes, silly.

What about women?


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:17 PM
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So I saw "Assateague or Chincoteague" and "depends on your orientation" and thought there might be a joke, but then I read the comment in full.


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:19 PM
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Two penises walk into a bar...


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:20 PM
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A little late on the Janelle Monae talk, but:

(a) Just think of all those zillions of Americans who saw that and have no idea that it has anything to do with an elaborate story about androids.

(b) The James Brown references!!!


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:24 PM
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274: Unfogged just is that way.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:25 PM
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277: Bartender says, "The Republican committee meeting was last night."


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:26 PM
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I don't think 278 really works as a punchline for 277 (try to streamline it some, rfts), but points for trying!


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:26 PM
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...and the bartender grumbles, "Here come those dicks that never leave a tip."

...and one says to the other, "Peter, you need a drink like you need a hole in the head."

"Two gin 'n talias comin' up!"

"You got a lot of balls showing up here again."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:29 PM
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275: What about women?

Women are just big girls, teo.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:30 PM
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...and suffer penile fractures.

...and the bartender says "This is an Army bar. We don't want any se[a]men in here."

..."We'll have two beers," they ejaculate.

...and stand there silently for a full hour before ordering beers. The bartender says, "Why did that take so long?", and they say, "We were masturbated a lot as kids."


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:31 PM
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"With frenula like that, who needs enemies?"


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:32 PM
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"I'd prefer whichever one of ya's short and L-shaped."


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:33 PM
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Your turn, parsimon.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:33 PM
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284.last is especially lovely.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:33 PM
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… not that there's anything wrong with that.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:34 PM
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... lay-deez


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:35 PM
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Your turn, parsimon.

I suck at penis jokes.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:35 PM
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snort


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:36 PM
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The winner!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:36 PM
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Orange you glad I didn't say banana?


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:39 PM
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So, but really, though. It's not unlike being bad at logic or math puzzles; I can't really construct those kinds of jokes.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:39 PM
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... and simultaneously say "who brought this sword to my bar fight?!?"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:39 PM
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... and the bar goes "ow! You guys are dicks."


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:40 PM
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225 Janelle Monae was nervous, but killed it on Letterman.

Immediately after watching this clip I ran out and bought the CD. Literally.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:42 PM
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||

Watching Bubba Ho-Tep. Man, weird

|>


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:43 PM
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Yeah I just got the album.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:43 PM
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...The bartender says "We don't serve penises here!" One penis replies "We prefer penes."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:46 PM
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Get the EP ("Metropolis Suite I of IV: The Chase") too! It is unremittingly awesome and at least one of the songs on the LP isn't. I need to listen to the LP more and figure out what is going on with the plot, though.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:47 PM
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...The bartender pours rum and cola up their back ends, declaring, "We serve only cocktails here."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:49 PM
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A penis walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."

The penis says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck, goes back in and asks, "How's this?"

The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:53 PM
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I pre-ordered the new album and got the EP for free, but I don't know if she's still bundling them that way on her website. Great stuff! There are a few songs I'm not a big fan of yet, but there's a lot to love.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:54 PM
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299 - my real estate agent and buddy was the DP on that.


Posted by: Robert halford | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:54 PM
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Get the EP ("Metropolis Suite I of IV: The Chase") too! It is unremittingly awesome and at least one of the songs on the LP isn't.

Now you tell me! (Maybe I shouldn't have immediately run out to buy the album.) Will look for it tomorrow.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:56 PM
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was the DP on that.

What kind of movie is this?


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 8:59 PM
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304 is great, but I'm laughing at the image of the penis with a set of jumper cables tied around his neck, rather than at the punchline.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:00 PM
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the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."

And the penis says, "A turtleneck isn't dressy enough?"


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:01 PM
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And the penis says, "A turtleneck isn't dressy enough?"

And the bartender says, "Well sure, but you're Jewish."


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:04 PM
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And the bartender says, "Well sure, but you're Jewish."

And the penis says "well, okay, but I'm keeping my hat on."


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:07 PM
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311: And the penis says, "Anti-smegmite!"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:09 PM
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Monae completists will want to watch her Studio 360 Live appearance, and will must stick around to hear my buddy Dave Goldberg talk about time travel!


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:14 PM
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...and say "Line us up six shots of Beefeater gin, bartender!"

The bartender pours the shots and says, "That's going to be thirty clams, fellas. You want to open a tab?"

"Yeah, thanks," answers the taller penis. While he's getting out his credit card, a squeaky voice says, "Man, that bartender sure is handsome."

The bartender peers over the edge of the bar and asks, "Who said that?"

The shorter penis replies, "Oh, that was just the complimentary nuts."


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:20 PM
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The bartender pours the shots and says, "That's going to be thirty clams, fellas. You want to open a tab."

Penis says "tab, hell, you got any lube?"


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:21 PM
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Two Jewish penises walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry. You're cut off."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:22 PM
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That's going to be thirty clams

One for each.


Posted by: George Washington | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:22 PM
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I brought her up yesterday at work when people were talking about new music, and no one had heard of her, except for one woman who said, "Isn't she that... eccentric person who wears men's clothes and has weird hair?" Um, yeah, I guess.


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:22 PM
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I will watch it, but I feel compelled to register my loathing for Studio 360, perhaps the most boring show on public radio. It's like Kurt Andersen expects us to pay attention simply to hear the sound of his voice. And he has a boring-ass voice.


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:24 PM
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Two penises walk into a bar. There's that scree sound as the needle comes off the record, and the 28 penises already there stop what they're doing to stare. George Washington's like "do not even start, okay? No. No. Guys, no."


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:24 PM
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Isn't she that... eccentric person who wears men's clothes and has weird hair?

You're thinking of Al Sharpton.


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:26 PM
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323

... and the bartender yells, "There are children in here, you assholes!"


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:31 PM
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324

...And the penises say, "Don't worry, we're not smoking."


Posted by: Mr. Blandings | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:33 PM
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325

...And the penises say, "Who you calling assholes, dick?"


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:37 PM
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326

...And the penises say, "Oh, but we're totes husbandable."


Posted by: Bave Dee | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:38 PM
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327

...And the penises say, "Oh, but that's ketchup."


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:42 PM
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328

A huge dong walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What's got you down? You look great!" "I think I just ruined my audition at the conservatory," says the dong. "How?" asks the bartender. "On the way over, I found this lamp. I rubbed it, and a genie popped out." "And?" "And I guess he was a little hard of hearing, because why the hell would I want to be a magnificent penis?"


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:43 PM
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...And the penises are like "have you heard this Janelle Monáe album? it's amazing."


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:43 PM
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wait... Is Mr. Blandings the object of the mockery in 326?


Posted by: k-sky | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:44 PM
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I'm pretty sure I'm going to be waking up to Tightrope for the next month or so. (It's essential to have peppy wake up music, don't you think?)


Posted by: Parenthetical | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:47 PM
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I'm pretty sure I'm going to be walking around listening to this on my iPod and grinning like an idiot and getting strange looks from people for the next month.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:51 PM
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... on a hot dog! Bun!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:53 PM
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330: I don't think so.


Posted by: parsimon | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:58 PM
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...my sister's a nun.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 9:58 PM
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So I got the Janelle Monáe EP and holy fuck I love this. Thanks for linking to her, AWB.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:41 PM
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Though I wish she, like the New Pornographers, hadn't scheduled her New York show when I'm far away. Maybe I should go see the one in Baltimore.


Posted by: essear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 10:45 PM
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336: I know, right?

Bave linked first, but he credited AWB.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:05 PM
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Where'd you find her tour schedule?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:05 PM
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Glad you like it, essear! I sort of feel a little too pegged when I listen to her, because it's like, why yes, please, I do like jazz, funk, pop, rock, soul, rap, R&B, and hip-hop, as well as dystopian sci-fi, and additionally we grew up like 15 minutes from each other and had the same kind of vocal training. (I never had that kind of talent, but in our neck of Kansas, Robert Shaw was god, and I hear her do things with her voice on a few tracks that is right out of my high school choral training.)


Posted by: A White Bear | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:07 PM
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Never mind! Girl is playin' Boston, as it turns out.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:08 PM
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this has to be the lowest average comment quality of any unfogged thread


Posted by: yoyo | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:12 PM
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... and the bartender's like "damn, you are dicks."


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:14 PM
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342: Nope.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:54 PM
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The average quality of that thread is undefined.


Posted by: nosflow | Link to this comment | 05-19-10 11:58 PM
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