Re: Well Played

1

Madonna, like Prince, will outlive us all. Madonna is our generation's Elizabeth Taylor.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 9:59 PM
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Wasn't there some controversial video with Madonna dressed sexily and a small boy? Madonna's next step will be to track down the man that boy has become, and sleep with him.


Posted by: Walt Someguy | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:02 PM
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Also the boy on the cover of Nevermind. and all three brothers in Hanson. and the world's last surviving World War I veteran.


Posted by: peter | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:08 PM
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The calculated "shocker" that left you both slightly embarrassed and truly impressed?

Was anyone "truly impressed" by this? Madonna hit her Fat Elvis stage a while ago.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:12 PM
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#2. "Open Your Heart."

Madonna's next step will be to track down the man that boy has become, and sleep with him his son.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:12 PM
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But has Madonna ever done this?

http://edgeofthewest.wordpress.com/2008/07/20/cripple-creek/

And let me see that Edge of the West is giving y'all a run for your money in non-work-safe preverted weirdness. I recommend merger.


Posted by: gnoLeD darB | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:19 PM
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7

say


Posted by: gnoLeD darB | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:22 PM
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A-Rod is the greatest ballplayer I'm grateful the Red Sox missed out on. What a talent. What an asshole.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:29 PM
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6: Merger? Economist, please. Our investors wouldn't allow it.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:43 PM
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To Madonna's credit, A-Rod, who turns 33 next week, narrowly meets the 1/2+7 age appropriateness standard.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:45 PM
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11

Well, they just took down your video. So y'all here at Unfogged no longer have the opportunity to surf over to ari's to listen to muppets singing about the evanescent pleasures of the drunken, bi-weekly booty call with underage partners...


Posted by: gnoLeD darB | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:46 PM
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11: Nah, it's still there. Wait, you're just trying to drive down our share price, aren't you? So your site can gobble up ours and sell off the parts at a huge profit. Well, you should know that you won't get much for Eric. He's played out the string, I think.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 10:50 PM
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13

The "cougar" line is a bit cringe-y, I think.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:06 PM
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11: if you're feeling bereft, darB, I could hook you up with a weird, falsetto voicemail along the same lines.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:15 PM
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10: man, why are the superstar athletes closest in age to me so darn douchebaggy?


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:16 PM
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13: the "hyperbaric", slightly, as well.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:18 PM
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17

Has Madonna ever done this?

Ish.


Posted by: Wrongshore | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:23 PM
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18

On the subject of pop culture phenomena adapting to new eras, the Jim Henson studios people are posting new Muppet Show sketches to YouTube:

One
Two
Three

Makes sense when you think about it, since people no longer go to a vaudeville show to see weird stuff; they just watch viral videos at home instead. The best part is that Statler and Waldorf appear at the end of each one, as if they are watching it on their own computer, and issue their normal scathing one-liner reviews.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:26 PM
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18: You've made my night. Thanks.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:34 PM
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20

#19: It's been a while since someone's told me that.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:49 PM
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19: That flag in One is hung backwards (blue should be in the upper-left hand corner, per US Code). And the timpani player in Two has seriously bad technique.

Why do muppets hate my freedom?


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:57 PM
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20: Well, you've just provided me with some ammunition in what seems to be a Muppets blog-war with my co-bloggers. I'd kiss you on the lips if you were close by.


Posted by: ari | Link to this comment | 07-21-08 11:57 PM
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#21: Sam the Eagle starts out by asking plaintively, "World Wide Web? Can't we put it on just the American part?"

Obviously the skit creators meant this to be evidence of Sam's jingoistic nearsightedness: He's not hip to the global Internet culture. But in fact, YouTube itself does use geographic filtering to block users in foreign countries from accessing certain videos. Oh, the irony!


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 12:02 AM
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18 is wonderful. Especially the second video. It's almost enough to warm my cold dead elitist classical snobish heart.


Posted by: ninjaphilosopher | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 1:43 AM
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25

GB, all is forgive.

Well, almost.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 1:58 AM
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26

Awww....


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 2:02 AM
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27

It's perhaps instructive to think of A-Rod as the Princess Diana of baseball.

From the other A-Rod/Madonna article.


Posted by: Nápi | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 2:09 AM
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Must agree with Stras. Madonna started of downhill and continued in the same direction. Her main talents are brandnaming, reinvention, and marketing. She was the single person who did most to convince me that the sexual revolution had not been a good thing, and that the relationship world was hopeless.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 4:07 AM
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20: And you a newlywed.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 4:52 AM
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30

||
Completely irrelevant to the discussion, but this would spoil your appetite.
|>


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 5:28 AM
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31

sexist, but nice sentences.


Posted by: Sybil Vane | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 5:32 AM
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32

||

Michael Savage, still a prick.

|>


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 5:34 AM
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33

Radovan Karadžić has been captured. This makes Žižek the most prominent ex-Yugoslav psychiatrist and poet still at large.

At one time he was thought to be hiding in the town of Celebici. I can't think of the punchline, though in the U.S. celebicy is a state and not a town. That's not where he was caught, though.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 5:39 AM
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The EotAW'ers aren't thinking merger; they're thinking hostile takeover. Already they have sureptitiously acquired shares in unfogged well in excess of SEC reporting thresholds through a web of anonymous offshore holding companies and hedge fund derivatives transactions.

Their plan is to acquire a working majority on the board and, after taking effective control, dispose of the abundant non-operating assets on the balance sheet to generate cash and pay down the acquisition financing.


Posted by: KR | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 5:48 AM
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32: He's obviously projecting. He says to himself, "Would I be such an unbearable blot on the universe if there was someone standing next to me to punch me in the face every time I said something stupid and vicious? Probably not." And it's sad to think of him going for decades without the daily ass-kicking he so desperately needs.


Posted by: mcmc | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 5:54 AM
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History has established two fates for pop icons: (a) Die young or (b) Fat Elvis

What about the (c) Skeletor/ Keith Richards option? Or is that just a variant of Fat Elvis?


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 6:04 AM
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34: The non-disclosure agreement you signed (accompanied by a healthy retainer, you may recall) is binding for close to 72 more hours, Mr. Ruprecht. We'll have to ask that you stop this slanderous chatter at once or face legal jeopardy.


Posted by: The EotAW's Pitbull Attorneys | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 6:06 AM
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Fortunately the EotW people don't know about our debt load and carveouts. Little do they know that they will be taking on enormous debts incurred to finance the little do-nothing spinoff companies supporting us in our customary opulence. The debt-ridden wretches might get an occasional invitation to visit me on my Greek island, if they're lucky.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 6:22 AM
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39

New Muppets yaaay! Thanks, Gaijin Biker!

Maybe you've already seen this, basically my favorite internet.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 6:37 AM
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40

Beaker's "Ode to Joy" is so great.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 6:47 AM
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41

Norah Jones was careful to change the lyrics to her hit single so as not to suggest that she was having an affair with the letter Y.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 6:52 AM
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42

38: Unfogged's S&P bond rating is detailed in comment 193.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 6:55 AM
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43

Her main talents are brandnaming, reinvention, and marketing. She was the single person who did most to convince me that the sexual revolution had not been a good thing, and that the relationship world was hopeless.

In a long screed they published about the time Erotica came out, TNR called her a prostitute and made exactly that argument. So I'm afraid you'll have to decide who you hate more, John: Madonna or Marty Peretz.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:01 AM
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#41: How about Feist singing "1, 2, 3, 4" on Sesame Street to teach kids how to count? Ironic, since in the original song, she counts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:04 AM
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(Strangely, this morning my eyes want to read "TNR" as "GN'R.")


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:05 AM
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46

La-la-la-la la-la-la.....can't hear you, Populuxe.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:05 AM
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47

Meetup Board meeting in the Caymans! Yay!


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:05 AM
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48

Usually I spend winters in the Caymans to escape the harsh Greek winters.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:07 AM
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49

Ironically, I spend winters in Greece in order to escape the caimans.


Posted by: ajay | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:14 AM
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50

I like the basic thought behind the post's quote, but I still look at Madonna and think, yawn, there you go, being "provocative" again. Allegedly there's a sex tape but damn, I hope not.


Posted by: FL | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:17 AM
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I was about to ask, rhetorically, if we could safely assume that neither Becks nor the article's author intended the deeply sexist double entendre in "well played", but then I realized the question was hardly rhetorical.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:23 AM
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52

If the Showbiz Pizza Band's rendition of "Love In This Club" hasn't been linked here yet, it really should.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:25 AM
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53

Maybe you've already seen this, basically my favorite internet.

I love you, 'smasher. That was great.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:25 AM
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54

52: tom linked that a while back on his blog. Do you know how they pulled it off? Looks way too good.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:27 AM
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55

Muppet Bolt does, in fact, rule.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:30 AM
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54: There's a whole Rock-a-Fire Explosion documentary kicking around on YouTube that provides the backstory, but I can't find it at the mome.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:31 AM
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History has established two fates for pop icons: (a) Die young or (b) Fat Elvis.

With due allowance for the fact that magazine journalism could not exist without a modicum of oversimplification and hyperbole, there are other avenues available for aging celebrities.

1. The Clint Eastwood: Reveal a hithertofore unsuspected artistic talent (see also Howard, Ron)

2. The Sally Struthers. Devote yourself singlemindedly to a signature cause, and maybe do a little community theater on the side.

3. The Grace Kelly. Marry a prince/billionaire and age gracefully as a fairytale royal. (See also Fonda, Jane.)

Not that any of these were necessarily viable options for Madonna, but still.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:33 AM
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58

4. The Sonny Bono: Parlay fame into a career in politics. See also Schwarzenegger.


Posted by: Gaijin Biker | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:36 AM
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59

And Jesse Ventura.

5. The Tom Cruise: keep your looks and talent but decline visibly into creepy barking madness.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:39 AM
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60

Skunk Baxter: invent something that you claim has military applications.

Sonny Bono: after being a b-list politico for a decade or so, brain yourself on a tree.

Lots of guys: manage your investments.

Howard Hughes: the above, plus amphetamines and clinical paranoia.

Yulia Tymoshenko was a PhD and Pemier first, and only later became a sex object.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:40 AM
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Hedy Lamarr's invention, which had actual military applications, came before her Holywood career really got going.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:42 AM
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4. The O.J. Simpson/Phil Spector/Robert Blake. Wig out, commit a crime, become a byword for sleaze, brutality, or bad hair.

5. The Howard Hughes/Michael Jackson. Retreat from the world. Occasionally dangle infants from windows.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:44 AM
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Subsets of managing investments:

Pink Floyd: Spend the rest of your life threatening to sue your fellow band members.

Sir Paul McCartney, Sir Mick Jagger: Become a member of the establishment.

Bill Bruford: Spend your pop fortune making interesting music.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:45 AM
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i thought i should like Muppets a lot and Sesame street too and now i think i know why i don't, i mean i like it but not that much, it's b/c when i first saw the program it was translated and the voice making artists were speaking in very high falcettos imitating children's voices, so i couldn't stand hear that and never watched one full episode, pity, always think nicely made toys though
the Grace Kelly final is great, i mean not the crash of course
i know only one song by Madonna, Don't cry for me Argentina, others i never listened till the end so can't recall
the other day i saw their photo on some magazine's cover while shopping, they looked like siblings! i mean not their age, but facial features
so maybe it's their fate


Posted by: read | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:48 AM
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54: The dude's a Rock-a-Fire programmer, apparently. Native to C++, Rock-a-fire environments.

Stanley, I think you might appreciate the Teenage Mutant Hardcore Turtles.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:53 AM
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I'm trying to imagine what public office Madonna might conceivably win. City council member (or mayor, if directly elected) of a medium-sized city is probably within reach (Clint Eastwood managed this trick, too). State Assembly or State Senate might also be doably, depending on the jurisdiction. I can't imagine any circumstances under which she would have a shot at governor, and there's probably only and handful of Congressional districts in which she would stand a chance (the big hurdle would be winning the primary, where the support of the party organization counts for a lot).

My vaguely plausible, so crazy it might work scenario is for her to run as a Democratic candidate in a heavily Republican district; say, in the mountain West somewhere. She wins the uncontested primary, the GOP candidate predictably campaigns against the decadent liberal values she represents. Meanwhile, Madonna earns Strange New Respect from the locals for her visible concern for local issues and her surprisingly traditional views on parenting and education. The local newspaper, while endorsing her opponent, says nice things about her, which is all pretty safe because no one believe she stands a chance, not after the attack ad with the video of her in that cone bra and the lingering still photo of her leading a naked guy on a dog leash. And then--boom--a picture emerges of the GOP candidate in a sex club wearing a dog collar. The editorial cartoonists go wild! Madonna wins in a squeaker!

It's either that, or she runs for Supreme Court in South Dakota on an unabashed pro-choice platform.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 7:55 AM
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Surprisingly traditional views on parenting and education....

That's what really pissed me off, the Catholic school for "Lourdes" and he pronouncements about Family. (Is there a hokier, phonier Catholic name than that for someone like her?) If she'd stayed scuzzy I might have found her endurable.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 8:00 AM
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67: Actually I think she should just complete the 360 back to her roots (see Cat Stevens) become a nun and finish as a Mother Theresa type in someplace like Darfur.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 8:04 AM
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Moldava. Darfur is too trendy.

Oman. Without air conditioning.

Yellowknife.


Posted by: John Emerson | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 8:06 AM
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Stanley, I think you might appreciate the Teenage Mutant Hardcore Turtles.

You really are hell-bent on making my morning delightful, and I appreciate that.


Posted by: Stanley | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 8:16 AM
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According to wiki, Cat Stevens' father was Orthodox, his mother was Baptist and he went to Catholic school. So he's got pretty much a royal flush there. But not back to his roots.


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 8:16 AM
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Oman. Without air conditioning.

Egads, that would be a boring, horrible life.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 8:19 AM
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71: Ah, had that wrong, I was under the impression that one of his parents had been Muslim. (So he's doing a reverse Obama.)

I liked this bit from the Wikipedia article that I had also never heard: In 1976 Stevens nearly drowned off the coast of Malibu, California and shouted: "Oh God! If you save me I will work for you." He converted the next year.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 8:37 AM
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This has already been mentioned but the more I think about the line,

History has established two fates for pop icons: (a) Die young or (b) Fat Elvis.

The more obnoxiously wrong it seems.


Posted by: NickS | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 9:00 AM
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Is Angela Lansbury an example of the "fat Elvis" route, or does she represent a model sui generis?

In general, is the Fat Elvis model an exclusively masculine model? You might think that, say, Kirstie Allie or Liza Minelli would present an obvious answer to this question, but I'm not so sure.

I'm suspect that Elvis, even at his most fat, sweaty, revolting, drug-addled worst, never had any shortage of fans willing to bed him. (Same goes for Keith Richards, minus the fat.) So the downside of totally indulging your vices--sloth, gluttony, etc.--is pretty limited. You can be a fat disgusting druggie slob and still have chicks waiting line to service you.

I'm not sure that option is open to women, and I count Madonna's pilates regime as evidence for my position.


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 9:09 AM
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That article irritates me for a variety of reasons, not the least of which every "music snob's" favorite idea about her, that she is not a musician. She's not exactly Mozart, but the woman makes good pop music. As for her "diminished creative output"...what the hell is he even talking about?


Posted by: stroll | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 9:43 AM
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76: In fairness to the music snobs, it's her own contention in one of her movies (Truth or Dare, I think) that her main talents lie in areas other than singing or dancing. The diagnosis that there's nothing all that memorable about her music, especially her recent output, seems pretty valid.


Posted by: DS | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 9:54 AM
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I'm not sure that option is open to women, and I count Madonna's pilates regime as evidence for my position.

I don't think so. Being in shape is constituent to Madonna's performance in a way that it wasn't for Elvis's costumed Vegas galas and isn't for Richards's guitar playing. Madonna has to dance—she's a singer and dancer.


Posted by: Armsmasher | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 9:57 AM
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pilates regime

Both men and women want public adoration at least as much as private devotion, maybe different flavors. Pilates is for the cameras and the eyes of whoever is the competition more than private whatever.


Posted by: lw | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 10:09 AM
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People, you don't have to dislike Madonna's music to say that she has no musical talent. She is very good at surrounding herself with very, very talented writers, producers, and choreographers. Her voice is average at best, but the people who actually, you know, write and produce the songs make them work (often quite well) within her limitations. She's probably the best at identifying trends in underground dance music with pop potential and then exploiting them. Or at least she was, I've found her output since Music to be kind of meh. Rock the baile funk, Madonna!


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 10:14 AM
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I think Madonna may end up more like Frank Sinatra or Ray Charles- beloved elder statesman that still can top the charts with a duet with some young talent, just to keep relevant.


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 10:43 AM
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Hyperbaric?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 11:53 AM
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Bill Bruford: Spend your pop fortune making interesting music.

Bruford's pop fortune?


Posted by: ben w-lfs-n | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 12:23 PM
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82: indeed.


Posted by: Sifu Tweety | Link to this comment | 07-22-08 12:24 PM
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