A quick way to find good lines from the past is to do to a google site search for phrases like "Wins the thread" and "wins the internet."
The first hit for "wins the internet" is an award given to this comment by Standpipe:
in case you didn't know 51% of the populous spells it my way you merlot-snorting fetus bangerHee hee.
sometimes the simplest answers are the right ones:
"My superkoranic fellatio power will FINISH YOU ALL.
Posted by: Gayatollah abu-labs"
Both the links in the main post go to the Lolita Dorito, btw. Nick's getting short shrift.
Because I am a suck up, I always enjoyed the "dumb thread". Maybe this manifestation early in the thread after your first front page post (I believe it was your first) was my favorite.
"THE DUMB THREAD WAS ENGORGED ON THE INTOXICATION OF POWER! RAWR!"
4: If you were a suck-up you'd mention the sestina.
The sestina wasn't funny. It was unalloyed genius.
Crunchy
Posted by Ogged on 05.04.08
I'm trying to understand how I went thirty-five years, especially given where I've spent the last nine, without comprehending how yummy, filling, and nutritious* a bowl of granola with yogurt can be. I think it was because all the granola people tried to give me granola instead of my eggs and bacon, and obviously that's a doomed endeavor. But now that I realize that I can have granola and (soy) yogurt in addition to my regular food, I'm going wild. Turkey sandwich...with a side of granola! Thai food...with a side of granola! No more waking up hungry in the middle of the night! No more hoping I have some eggs left if I'm still hungry after dinner! A perfect quick snack! Seriously, you should try it. G-r-a-n-o-l-a.
*Although you have to be careful because most kinds of granola, at least in the bulk section of that well-known enemy of the proletariat, are very sugary. I got the kind called something-something Lite granola, and it's still plenty sweet.
max
['It was like he turned into a zombie and THEN he died.']
Maybe she wants to double pimp me, apo?!?
dsquared responding to Emerson during the Great Econ Fracas of 2009:
_____
I was just trying to shift the conversation to more interestind ground
I think the ground you are looking for is over there, on the other side of my dead body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
______
Earlier, there had been:
______
405: STOP CONCEDING THIS EMERSON YOU JERK YOU WERE BASICALLY RIGHT
______
But the "on the other side of my dead body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" makes me chuckle all the time.
8: Well, it had a punchline anyway.
The "OPINIONATED" concept has now been diluted and diluted, but I'm still proud of this one.
OK, this is too recent to qualify as an all-tiomer, but from the JMPP thread right below:
____
Oh. My. God. I'm catching up on BSG. What's my wife's real name? What's my wife's real name?
13: From later in that thread, by ogged no less.:
_____
We must stalk Barack around the clock, lest the cock block bloc find their man shocked, rocked, put in the dock or even the stocks on the boardwalk, where would flock crowds to gawk and mock, with "ahahaha, macaca with his stalk out of wedlock."
_____
Also, what does "but I'm still proud of this one" mean? Was Ned the original OG? Was OG a floating pseud even 2+ years ago?
I agree with alameida's approach:
Matt, you're actually wrong about rubber bands. The effect is just too small to see on most rubber bands you're likely to have lying about.Think about it this way: let's say you've got cells (not the best word; I don't mean the biological kind but the general discrete-unit kind) which can stretch (at heart I suppose that is the case with the biological cells). A, B, C, etc, with A coming first. You pull on A, and it will stretch itself out as far as it can, and only at that point will your pulling on it communicate the force to B, and then when both A and B are maxed out will C start to stretch, usw. (That won't be perfectly accurate, but close enough.) But, while you're doing this, you're putting a lot of strain on A, since the only reason B is getting pulled is that A is essentially at its breaking point (and would break if it couldn't communicate the stress down to B). So you can't achieve maximal stretch, becaues A, B, etc would be in great pain by the time you got to Z. If you have a long enough piece of elastic you could verify this in the following way: put pairs of equidistant dots 20, 40, 60 and 80 percent along the elastic, say a centimeter apart (or some other reasonable distance depending on the length of the elastic. Then stretch it out various amounts, and measure the new distance between the dots. I am willing to bet that if you started with a piece of elastic that was five feet long (ask your local junkie) you would observe that the dots nearest the stretched end were further apart than those nearest the base. Basically what I'm saying is that you couldn't possibly communicate the stretching all the way down the length of whatever you're stretching instantaneously (otherwise you could transmit information faster than the speed of light trivially), and barring that the only way to stretch something further along is to stretch something closer even more, and that's hard.
(Incidentally, the same dot-pair methodology will be applied in my forthcoming study on what parts of the penis expand first during engorgement, Differential Growth in Cock Parts, which I'm confident will finally net me the coveted Ig Nobel Prize in Biology. I think that it's got to be the base first, with the effects evening out as erection proceeds. By the way, if you already have all of your data, the most efficient way to build a heap is bottom-up.)
(Also, it's true that you don't pull on the neck but wring it (in general practice, anyway; apparently a good way to kill a chicken is to grab it by the head and do a kind of whip-crack with its body), but were you to pull on the head, what I described would happen, because the vertabrae are precisely the kind of semi-independent cells I'm talking about above.)
I am impressed by the moments when someone comes up with a pitch-perfect response on the spur of the moment. Hence the exchange to which I linked yesterday:
123: If the firm is three names, Jewish Neutral & Irish, and the lawyer's last name is one letter off from a big city, that's Ideal.
Posted by: LizardBreath
______
125: Silverstein, Beige, and O'lbuquerque.
Posted by: apostropher
Opinionated Grandma was around for about a year, I think, before I realized she wasn't a real, authentic crazy person. I think Ned deserves a lot of credit just for that.
There was another long stretch of time where I knew OG was actually another one of the regulars, but I didn't know which one. The joke was much funnier when it was just one person, and not a free floating pseudonym.
I didn't know it was Ned for ages -- I knew it was a puton immediately, but figured it was someone who commented only as OG (I don't know why I never check IP addresses, but generally I don't). Somewhere I, in my inimitably dopey way, invited the real person behind OG to start commenting as themselves without realizing that it was a regular already.
(I knew it was Ned because Becks does look at IP addresses and told me. How did anyone else figure it out? Had Ned fessed up before?)
I'm stunned. And very, very impressed.
I suspected, but wasn't certain, it was a put-on, but it scarcely occurred to me that the original OG was anyone but herself.
Damn.
It wasn't always me, people started doing it when I had only done it in like 5 threads.
I think that when OG first appeared, her name was linked to the same fictitious email address that Ned sometimes uses with his signed comments.
I never knew which regular OG was, when OG was a regular regular, until just now.
People make jokes here?
Only so they can explain them. Standpipe's blog is where the real action is.
Ned fessed up at least once before, because I knew it, and I don't have access to IP addresses. I remember the thread in which it happened.
We've all been OG at one point or another.
The "Fuck you, clown" poetry thread stands out. Apo's #24 still makes me chuckle:
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"Fuck you, clown."
For the most part, though, just as the Devil has all the best songs, Standpipe has all the best jokes. At least back in the day. I first started reading Unfogged because of this comment:
"Committing a plagiarism, taking anything one can lay hands on, even though it belongs to another, obviously leads to the second part of the dream, in which I am treated like the overcoat thief who for some time plied his trade in the lecture halls. I have written the word plagiarism - without definite intention - because it occurred to me, and now I see that it must belong to the latent dream-content and that it will serve as a bridge between the different parts of the manifest dream-content. The chain of associations - Pelagie - plagiarism - plagiostomi - fish-bladder - connects the old novel with the affair of Knodl and the overcoats, which obviously refer to an appliance appertaining to the technique of sex."
Oh wow. I also thought OG was a distinct person. I mean, I sorta caught it when more people started using the concept, but then I even wondered if OG minded. Great work, CN.
I have never been OG.
I've been Opinionated Other Things before, but never OG herself.
LIAR. I HAVE NEVER POSTED ON THIS BLOG BEFORE THIS THREAD.
Because I am not opinionated. Nor judgmental.
This, in context, remains my all-time favorite.
I was Qutb too. The second comment by that name links to a strong candidate for best comment ever.
I really loved the "fuck you, clown" poetry thread. That's when I started paying attention around here more regularly. But since it was linked above, I won't link it again.
Yeah -- so many of the poems were just good poems to read. And the "fuck you, clown" got funnier and funnier with every repetition.
Modesty be damned. This is my favorite.
Tia's jokes about Labs were pretty classic, like this one:
Me, Labs, and Ogged have just died, and we're in the waiting room of the afterlife, waiting to be assigned our fates. We're sitting around, flipping through backdated copies of People, when all of a sudden a voice over the loudspeaker instructs us each to stand before one of three doors. I go first. My door opens. On the other side is the most hideous specimen of manhood you've ever seen. He's scrawny, but he has three large goiters. He combs his nosehairs over his bald spot. He smells strongly of cigarettes and ammonia. In short, he's disgusting. The loudspeaker voice booms "TIA, YOU HAVE SINNED. YOUR PENALTY IS TO SPEND THE REST OF ETERNITY HAVING SEX WITH THIS MAN." I scream, I cry, but there's nothing to be done at this point, and I'm sucked into the void. Ogged goes next. His door opens, and on the other side is the most hideous specimen of womanhood you can imagine, at least from his perspective. She has a huge butt. She's wearing heels. She says "Hello, Ogged" in an unbearably high pitched voice in a thick Russian accent. She also has a goiter. Again the loudspeaker says "OGGED, YOU HAVE SINNED. YOUR PENALTY IS TO SPEND THE REST OF ETERNITY HAVING SEX WITH THIS WOMAN." He shrieks, but he too is sucked into Svetlanka's loving arms. Finally, it's Labs's turn. His door opens, and on the other side is Scarlett Johannsen. The loudspeaker booms, "SCARLETT JOHANSSEN, YOU HAVE SINNED..."
There are a couple more equally amusing ones in that thread. I sometimes forget how funny Tia could be.
Bringing the threads together, Tia's riff on Jane Galt being attacked by zombies and rescued by the Gayatollah cracked me up.
38 & 41: More gold.
Man oh man, I'm reading that poetry thread again, and I just came to Felix's "To-day we have fucking of clowns." I need to take a break.
38: Mine too, absolutely. Stroke of genius.
What other instrument requires you to stick your hand up into something moist and warm?
44: Standpipe's comments in that thread are fantastic.
I think Apo consistently wins for best jokes. Not necessarily the funniest comments, but best comments in the form of the classic one-liner.
I just came to Felix's "To-day we have fucking of clowns."
Felix owned that thread.
What is up with google/yahoo? I've been looking for a couple of my favorite jokes and none of them are showing up on searches.
If it was just one case I would think that I was mis-remembering keywords. But there are two cases in which I'm sure that that I remember the joke, and nothing's turning up.
huh. unfogged used to be funny.
40: Jackmormon's joke in the same thread was also quite good.
What is up with google/yahoo?
The googley-a-hoohole is back! Or perhaps, if Labs made them, they have since been redacted, as so many of his comments were.
I'm sorry, I got bogged down in the thread with LB and D^2 arguing over C-sections, and I can't quite believe that he wrote this:
I really don't believe American doctors systematically blackmail expectant mothers do they?
A plurality, if not a majority, of babies born in my city arrive in one facility, well-known as the Baby Factory. We had Iris at another hospital, then Kai in the Baby Factory. And there is no question that the doctors and nurses were pretty much in consensus that they were in charge, that they had a (highly medicalized) SOP, and that they would follow it unless we fought back actively. I nearly got into a shouting match with one nurse (who ended up marching out in a huff, never to return) who wanted to put an IV into AB "just in case" (AB hates needles, and her primary complaint, after 2 natural births, is that she had an IV for Iris'; during actual delivery, she never ceased being aware of the needle).
Anyway, no point in revisiting an 18 month old argument, but that naive assertion was just stunning. Like saying, "You don't think the police ever arrest anyone without good reason, do you?"
Fwiw, JRoth, some aspects of the US health care industry are pretty hard to believe until you've experienced them first hand.
53: You can't believe he wrote that? This is the man who wrote a 3,300-word ode to the greatness of Budweiser.
55: The really brilliant thing about that post, if you read it closely, is that with all the praise for Budweiser's authenticity and naturalness, he never says Budweiser tastes good. He says it doesn't literally taste like piss, but no more.
56: what about "It's also just the ticket if you happen to be drinking beer for breakfast, as the fresh taste of the rice content goes particularly well with most cereals"? That sounds like an endorsement.
On the Google front, I totally searched for the multiply-exclaimed phrase in 11, and it didn't show.
57: It's only an endorsement "if you happen to be drinking beer for breakfast."
54 is good.
55: Well yes, but he wasn't trolling that thread at all - it was a knock-down, drag-out statistathon with LB.
BTW, this thread isn't exactly rebutting the last thing that D^2 said before he left.
Re-reading the Budweiser post, I'd forgotten that he's catastrophically wrong about Searle.
58: For a while Unfogged items showed up in Google with terrifying speed. Have noticed that is not the case (especially for material comment threads) lately. Perhaps linked to the server switch?
And yet correct about Derrida, which gets bonus points because Searle would also disagree.
61: What, that this place is devoted to self-involved navel gazing and is duller than it used to be? Can't argue with that.
Yeah, saying that the blog was like a sitcom that stayed on past its sell-by date, where the familiar characters come on, say their catchphrases, then exit.
Or so the mullahs would have believe.
Good lord, the fuck-you-clown thread was almost three years ago. Time watches from the shadows, you betcha.
66: He got mad at us over the read argument a couple of days ago and stalked off after telling us that we're no fun anymore.
He got mad at us over the read argument a couple of days ago and stalked off after telling us that we're no fun anymore.
His exact comment is worth quoting:
The self-regard has frankly got to the stage where it's just not interesting any more, rather like one of those sitcoms that has gone on too long, such that there is no time for anything other than all the regular characters to walk on, say their catchphrase and walk off. Bye.
Christ, felix's "a dozen clowns got fucked" has made me nearly cry at my desk from containing my laughter.
68: Is that where you came from? I remember minne delurked on that thread -- I can't remember if you were here first, or if you followed him.
74: I will violate the sanctity of off-blog communication and reveal that I emailed minne upon reading the FYC thread (which I did sitting in the bookstore where I volunteer and thanking my stars that it was a very slow day) and was all like "you have GOT to read this thread!" and then history began. Or began for me, anyway.
I believe my actual first comments here were rather impolite without rising to any particular degree of wit.
the read argument
In light of which, the last comment in the sestina thread that fm linked in 7 was somewhat poignant.
I believe my actual first comments here were rather impolite
Not that I recall, but then again I usually either agree with you or at least think I should, so I could have missed it.
Wait - both read and D^2 left? A shiny quarter to whoever explains that one to me.
Oh, IIRC (and I'm too lazy to google...a weekend of truly hideous anarchist infighting has left me entirely enervated) I said something along the lines of "....and you people were probably just the kind of people who picked on people like me in high school, so whaddya think of that, huh?"
On the other hand, it was thus that I first encountered the phrase "selves with mustaches".
79: It starts here (which led to read's apparent departure) and continues on sporadically throughout the rest of that thread with various, largely ill-conceived justifications of why it was supposed to be okay to be mean to read. It was sort of an extremely miniature Unfogged version of RaceFail 2009.
It's okay to be mean to anybody!
80: Oh, I remember that. But you weren't unpleasant about it.
In the interest of (a) tooting my own horn and (b) getting this thread vaguely back on the "funny" track, I'm still proud of this comment, which is really only funny if you read the post.
I haven't the slightest idea what my first comment was, but one of the early threads I read and/or participated in was this one, which still is hilarious.
81: I'd say it starts with a post from Unimaginative that read found offensive, and people's overreaction to her offense led to the events DS links to.
70: The very one. We still will, out of nowhere, start ranting about how shitty it was. From check-in to birth - less than 1 hour - we dealt with at least a dozen nurses/clerical staff, plus 2 docs and a resident. About half the nurses/clerical were officious but inoffensive, the other half were actually problematic. One doc was the clueless, out-of-touch old man from Central Casting, while the other one was - thank god - awesome. Due largely to incompetence by the clerical staff, our doc - whose office is 1/4 mile from our house, which we departed 75 minutes before the birth - didn't arrive until after the birth.
The post-delivery staff were nice enough, although they disappeared on us for 45 minutes at checkout (when you're not allowed to leave without their say-so, plus AB wanted/needed a wheelchair).
OTOH, Kai is well prepared for a world of shitty, unresponsive bureaucracy from birth.
88: Maybe they're just too subtle for you.
89: how great would it be if that whole thing was like a "you got unfogg'd!" hidden camera thing and read was actually ogged and there was a secret blog where all the commenters who quit here would hang out and giggle at the contortions people worked themselves into over on this one?
Unless it... or uh... stop watching me!
Actually I guess I kinda just described /b/ and the otherground forums and that sort of thing. The troll meta-community: an internet remora whose time has long-since come.
how great would it be
Not great at all?
reading this it occurs to me (sitting here commenting on unfogged when I really can't afford the time) that my overall earnest/amusing content here is bad enough it probably doesn't support staying.
erm, 92 wasn't an actual `threat' to leave or whatever, just badly worded.
In recognition of Sifu's efforts to redirect this thread back to Teh Funny, from which its diversion is woefully illustrative of the woes that have compounded Unfogged's... woe, I hereby dedicate all further comments, or at minimum those further comments to be authored by me, to a festival of great Beefo Meaty Unfogged moments.
t my overall earnest/amusing content here is bad enough it probably doesn't support staying.
Isn't that our call to make?
an internet remora whose time has long-since come. started around about when alt.religion.kibology first bloomed.
Nonsense, soup. (a) You have hilarious stories, even if you don't tell them under your real pseud often enough and (b) who else is willing to go there with me when I want to bore the crap out of the rest of unfogged by asking stupid questions about math in the middle of the night?
Don't sell yourself short!
yeah, but the earnestness, it burns.
98: So does my pee, but I deal. Suck it up.
98: That's probably gonorrhea. I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
100: suck up your pee?
That's a high price to pay for occasional humorlessness, Slack.
For a while I wanted to make stickers in like a super punk rock kinda blocky font or whatever, bold white on black, that said "DESTROY THE NEW EARNESTNESS". I think maybe that was stupid, though.
85: "Wassail with Diamanda Galas" is still funny.
96: pfah, it predates that.
true enough. in a moment of senility, i mistyped talk.bizarre. but it predates that too. though not by as much.
102: In your fa-
-- uhhhh, terribly sorry about the pwnage, old chap.
(Whew! Another golden showers joke narrowly averted. Too bad I was too late to forestall 103.)
Nobody averts the golden shower jokes!
Shit more navel gazing.
Humor over email is really hard, that it can ever exist among strangers having near public conversation is a real tribute to the collective mental whateverness of this great collaboration.
The lion rap in online animation was good. And the sestina was brilliant.
AWB's boomer rant was good too.
Contrast with facebook, where sustained nothing-to-say always sucks.
and, tos-ser shows up to remind us all what real lack of substance coupled with lack of wit looks like.
thanks!
[you may now proceed to favor me with your own brand of weak sauce insults and inane drivel.]
Maybe he wants a ToS- hall of fame linkfest, too, poor guy
There was the time he wrote [REDACTED]. That was awesome.
[REDACTED] was pretty funny too.
pfah
I keep trying to turn this into an acronym along the lines of "(pbuh)" and I'm coming up empty. Well, that's not true; the first thing that came to mind was Pricey Feelings Astride Harangues but that's just word salad.
The self-regard has frankly got to the stage where it's just not interesting any more, rather like one of those sitcoms that has gone on too long, such that there is no time for anything other than all the regular characters to walk on, say their catchphrase and walk off. You're all cunts. Bye.
Fixed that for you, ghost of d^2.
perfectly frankly and honestly previous foolish ad hockeries promoting, foul and heartfelt, pedantic frustrations and hapless permutations for all; how preening fails and hopeless prefabrications falter and halt.
121 to 120. too many ands, but what do you do.
114: Pour faire attention à l'harangeur
Pierced feet and hands? Pilate, fetch a hammer!
Persiflage abdicators favor harumphing.
Profane faultless adolescent humour.
Besides, Robust must be some sort of free marketeer to have missed publicly funded affordable housing.
Argh!
Persifleurs fain apropos humbuggery.
Presidential fetes and hoe-downs promote fatuous annotations, higgledly-piggledy, featuring a heckler's propensity for altering hallowed provisions -- fair and heartfelt -- pertinent for all humans.
Pause for a hint, protract, feel a-head, probe faithfully and ... Hazard?
135: propose foul all hyphenation
139: Perfidious fool! All hyphenation perfectly favours angsty hooliganism.
143: Partially false; any hyphen prefers fully adult heroes (pending further, additional hypotheses).
143: practically fash and humble perfect form above humour? prithee false attendants henceforth.
Perfect freight-train accounting, hobo.
144: Pithy, factual and honourable... prat. For an hour, please fuck a heifer.
Predict fail at has230!$™9ºªˆ5$99d´12
144: Punctuate flexibly, adamant holdout.
Phew, freakin' awesome hurdle, placing four and, hey, perhaps five acronyms hitched pleasantly fore and hither; prepended filler antecedes horseshit piled filthily atop horseshit.
141: Pathetic fucking acronym, heebie.
Priceless! Fete and honor prattle falsely advertised here. Previous foundations ably hurdle paltry formulations and however prosaically found another humble presentation for all human prognostication falls against, however puerile, footling antecedents having professed foremost ability. How people faithfully apprehend honorifics passed fatefully, abundantly, herein. Pray, fellow, and humor passingly feeble attempts hence.
Aaaaand back to the OP - one of the funniest comments I can remember came at the end of a 100-thread-count argument between Barbar and Emerson over whether dismal scientists are artists or merely charlatans (aka econfail009) - just as it was winding down Beefo Meaty wrote: "So, anywhooo...analytical philosophy. Any thoughts?"
That unfogged moment is lost for all time, I think, as it took place during the server changeover.
huh. killed the blog.
at least i wasn't being earnest.
Pray, fellow, and humor passingly feeble attempts hence.
Worst translation of Simonides' epigram ever.
I'm surprised by some of the nominations. Like, roughly as surprised as I'd be if someone unironically nominated "Meet the Fockers" as the Funniest Movie of All Time.
Incidentally, 39 gets it exactly right.
161: roughly as surprised as I'd be if someone unironically nominated "Meet the Fockers" as the Funniest Movie of All Time.
Someone nominated one of your posts? I missed that.
(I mean, come on, you walked right into it.)
Good one, DS! Zing! I'd like to nominate 162 for the record book.
Worst translation of Simonides' epigram ever.
It's like the 300 of translations.
They call me Doctor "Burn," on account of all the burnage!
Painful femoro-acetabular himpingement
Hey ToS, did you post a mix to the mix thread? That might help your status a little.
Possibly flawless: Audrey Hepburn.
If a canonical tos mix isn't posted, one might have to be made for it.
What would the Mix of Sorrow be? All emo? Nine Inch Nails and Rage Against the Machine?
168: Sadly, yes.
172 could actually be pretty funny.
ALL TOS WANTED WAS A PEPSI. JUST ONE PEPSI. AND WE WOULDN"T GIVE IT TO HIM.
so weak. ah well, ToS is off its game to day.
Wasn't there a time when we did dare so much as utter his name, much less respond to comments? I thought the deletion of comments plus the silent treatment were thought to be our only hope for peace?
Has the battle strategy changed? That's my question.
Speaking of going off meds, has anyone here had the experience of going off Paxil? I tapered the dose from 30mg/day to 5mg over a period of a month. I went completely off it yesterday, and today I feel the withdrawal symptoms (I recognize them from when I missed a dose in the past). I am taking a different antidepressant, btw.
I'm curious about this method of earning money by bribing professors. A very, very long-term strategy, I must assume.
178: The hope is still that minimal attention to his contributions will discourage him, but our faith in that tactic has slipped to the point where we're not really policing it anymore.
"I'm pretty fond of Flippanter's Jonah Goldberg poem," piped a small voice that didn't sound anything like the Flip-Dawg.
86
I'd say it starts with a post from Unimaginative that read found offensive, and people's overreaction to her offense led to the events DS links to.
That thread was just the culmination of longstanding bad feelings.
185: I saw your name in the "recent comments" list, and was hoping that you were going to link to a favorite joke or thread.
He could link to some favorite examples of longstanding bad feelings, maybe?
Good grief, JBS gets it exactly right.
Putting it that way probably doesn't alleviate any bad feelings.
He could link to some favorite examples of longstanding bad feelings, maybe?
Worst. Thread. Ever.
More seriously, when I was tracking down the comments noted in 11, I happened upon the original (or maybe second) read/Di flareup. Ugly.
180: There was an article in Slate. I'd search there. Is your brain sizzle/popping?
Good grief, JBS gets it exactly right.
Take it to the Haldane thread.
You comment much more often than once a week. And my thinking was more that, since your comments are routinely being acknowledged, and since deleting them doesn't seem to make you go away, maybe we should just live with your presence. But, hey, not my blog. And you certainly don't often leave comments that would make anything other than trying to find the most effective way to get you to go away seem like a good idea.
But, hey, not my blog.
The downside of this is that he comes up with something too racist to tolerate pretty often. If we left his comments up, even if the regulars ignored him or engaged minimally enough to keep him from derailing threads, it would look to anyone without a background in the whole weary process as if his filth wasn't the sort of thing we object to.
It seems like if he keeps commenting it'll eventually become clear why he hates Ben Noseflow and the Stanford philosophy department so much, although the hatred of Jews, women, and frat boys is a lot less distinguishing. But do we really want to find out?
194: Yeah, "not my blog" wasn't meant to convey that I think that's necessarily the right approach, so much as that, since I've got no say in the matter, I haven't really given the issue too much thought. It feels weird to have TOS's comments both regularly acknowleged and regularly deleted. But 194 makes some sense.
why he hates Ben Noseflow and the Stanford philosophy department so much
They were drunk, ok? And they already apologized. Twice. And nobody forced him to wear that gold lame nighty, that was his own idea.
Hey, the nightie wasn't lame, it was pretty and sparkly. [Ben probably shouldn't have taken those pictures.]
Or at least, shouldn't have put them on the interwebs.
I always wanted to write There is no Ogged but Ogged, and Wolfson is his Apostrpher but no occasion ever presented itself. Still hasn't.
201: Are you considering revisiting your "no relationships" policy?
Probably better looking in person -- I'm guessing the maniacal stare is an artifact of the picture.
gold lame nighty
With built-in high heels.
Okay, well... there is now a Mix of Sorrow, or the best stab I could take at one... question is, should I upload it? Or would the posting of such a Mix be too prejudicial to the quest for a ToS-free blog?
it'll eventually become clear why he hates
No, it won't. He doesn't have anything approaching a coherent philosophy; it's just a stupid game he plays because he has nothing else to do. He's like a retarded, neutered wiener dog that stands in the cul-de-sac barking at nothing all day.
206: I live next door to exactly such a dog, btw.
208: and you're sure it's not the ToS?
and you're sure it's not the ToS?
ToS is mostly blind too. QED.
Maybe too soon, but my favorite unfogged joke is now 140-142 of this thread.
190: Link?
I don't know exactly how to describe the feeling. It's not double vision, exactly, but a sort of persistence of vision and spatial perception, like the "woosh woosh" cinematography in The Matrix. It's not intolerably unpleasant (I'd might even enjoy it if it were caused by a recreational drug), but it's disquieting. Booze helps, I'm finding.
Friends of mine who weaned off Paxil took a week or two off of work while they were doing it because they had all sorts of weird side effects. If you're not finding it intolerably unpleasant, you're having an easier go of it than they did.
I had a funny day. Although they aren't really one-liners.
Mr. Polk, you will not be driving or going out any other wise tonight, I know. You're having a neurological thing which is affecting your visual processing, and I'd say unless your tummy is upset, try to eat something, and maybe water would be good, and sleep. It'll pass; you have to let your body deal with it in its own way. Not so much with the booze if you can help it, or at least offset it with food and water. And sleep.
That's not an alarm-bell sort of message; just that if visual processing is affected, take it easy. Get a lot of sleep if you can.
186
I saw your name in the "recent comments" list, and was hoping that you were going to link to a favorite joke or thread.
I tried to find some but was unable to do so. Are all the archives indexed normally by google?
30mg/day to 5mg over a period of a month. I went completely off it yesterday,
You should be ok with that length of titration. As apo said, if you're not feeling like shit, you're better off than most. On the other hand, the only time I got any visuals off a Paxil withdrawal I then proceeded to go on a binge of epic depressive fail, so take it easy. And booze, while it might help you sleep, is a CNS depressant and you don't need any more of that. I'd go easy.
If we're nominating stuff of our own, I still think in context that my response to Tom's 42 in this thread may be the single funniest thing I've ever written, and pretty much meant that I should retire from commenting.
If we're nominating other things, Alameida had it right above--the dick elasticity thread had me nearly blind with laughter.
218: there's a well-known googly hoohole, but other than that, yes.
220: Hey, I linked to the cock-stretching thread, following alameida's principle that the classics are classics for a reason. Then I switched my vote to apo's comment.
There are numerous comments by Standpipe that made me nearly lose my shit at work, but I don't even know where to start with those.
Then I switched my vote to apo's comment.
That comment is in the cock-stretching thread, though, so you didn't really change your vote per se.
I still think in context that my response to Tom's 42 in this thread may be the single funniest thing I've ever written, and pretty much meant that I should retire from commenting.
Yes, very fine work there. A good thread all around, too.
It's difficult to comprehend how Standpipe functions at his or her own work, if that's what's going on in his or her head. Isn't it.
That person, Standpipe, may be just walking the streets plain as day, among us all, and who the fuck knew? Really!
Multi-stall work bathrooms are the devil's work.
Multi-stall work bathrooms are the devil's work. playground.
Also, I like dancing with Ben (e.g.,comments 7-10 here, and 124-130 here).
BTW, Ben and Becks: Have you guys noticed this strangeness, where Unfogged threads are also being archived as Being and Time discussion group threads?
214: Sorry Mr. President. Here you go. The article isn't only about coming off Paxil, but you may find it interesting. Does this sound familiar:
Day 46: At dinner, I feel the onset of mutation. While staring at a plate of artichoke hearts, my focus suddenly shifts, like the track-out/zoom-in camera trick in Vertigo. My brain is shifting out of Paxil gear and back to normal. It's like coming down off a hallucinogen. Later in the evening, it happens a few more times.
The thread Chopper links in 220 is indeed great, and I hadn't seen it before. Chopper's response is excellent.
229: yes, that's an apt description of how it feels.
220: Chopper's comment is sterling, and all the more so because it came within moments of the comment it responded to--the ineffable quality of Schlagfertigkeit.
229: Along those lines, this is an entertaining review of the string of anti-depressants an old friend of mine was put on before somebody finally figured out that the problem wasn't depression at all (as he'd been trying to tell his doctor all along) but rather that his liver didn't process copper.
Rather, this is an entertaining review
Fun! How did they come to finally realize the truth?
Oh, I bet the answer is to be found within that correct link.
You know, I don't remember how the proper diagnosis got made.
237: well, House took a bunch of peyote and went on a vision quest, and then one of those goobers who works for him fell in love with one of the other goobers, except the other goober turned out to be secretly married, and then the last commercial break happened, and then they knew.
The google archival fate of unfogged jokes is actually explained in the clown thread.
Besides, Robust must be some sort of free marketeer to have missed publicly funded affordable housing.
Please! Forget about HUD?
I think "apropo of nothing" should have a companion phrase, "Limpopo of nothing". They would grow old together in Minnesota, like Emerson and his sister.
Tampopo of nothing: a dandelion in a zen garden.
Look out, it's the opinionated cops! Everybody ditch your unfashionable behaviors.
Everybody ditch your unfashionable behaviors.
Yeah, I was feeling badly about that.
This is even more elaborate than I thought.
I thought Tampopo was a heist movie. What the hell did I download?
It also doesn't seem to match up exactly with what I know. Maybe it's a regional thing.
I thought Tampopo was a heist movie. What the hell did I download?
Rififi?
251: "You'll never guess I have no pants on!"
Bob le Tampopeur?
But seriously, what you're thinking of is Topkapi.
I think Ned got it. I realize now that I downloaded Tampopo because of the egg yolk. Was that recommended here?
El Topo?
In all (well, a little) seriousness, Tampopo is awesome. Far and away the best movie about ramen ever made.
254, 257: now really, how did I do that? Am I blind or just stupid?
Stormcrow is it okay if I follow you around repeating everything you say in a weird, high-pitched muppet voice? Because that seems to be the direction we're going.
Sifu, why is that computers don't do what I tell them to, unless I fill in every fiddly little detail? It's like writing out a recipe for the world's most inept cook.
I blame your ilk, and its obsession with killer robots.
258.2: You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?
255: Awesome. I love that film for many reasons, not least its ironic perfect pitch. The sex scenes are hilarious, but sexy! The sincere scenes are hilarious, but sincere! Life should be more like that.
260: who the fuck do you think you're talking to! Gnurrr! Meep! The plane, boss!
261: Wait, so what movie is that? Ah, got it.
re: 257
Years ago, the BBC showed a series of Japanese films that included Tampopo and his Minbo na Onna.
The latter is great, just amazingly great, and totally impossible to find. Everyone knows Tampopo but not the other. I've been looking for the DVD at a reasonable price for years.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minbo_no_Onna
265: he has a lot more movies than I thought. Is it related to the Taxing Woman series?
re: 266
I've never seen those. They star the same lead actress according to wiki, but other than that, I have no idea. I've only seen Tampopo and Minbo na Onna.
Looking on wiki he does seem to have had a lot of films starring Nobuku Miyamoto in what look like similar roles.
In Minbo Nobuko Miyamoto plays a lawyer instead of a tax-collector.
You can get it here (I looked into a bunch of Japanese DVDs recently), but it is not what I consider a reasonable price.
Same actress, Itami's wife, but not a Taxing Woman sequel. Was it issued on DVD, ttaM? I've been tempted to get it on VHS, even though I'd have to borrow a player to transfer it to DV to watch it. I love Itami.
I had no idea the guy behind "A Taxing Woman" was the guy behind "Tampopo". I always saw "A Taxing Woman" at the VHS rental place, and was always annoyed at the title because you CAN'T TRANSLATE PUNS, DAMMIT.
re: 270
I've never seen it in a physical shop, ever. But I have occasionally searched for it online and found it [at stupid prices]. Nakku just linked to a copy in the previous comment.
OTOH, it does seem to be available via less legal methods of distribution.
Ah, I see. Amazon shows the VHS for under $10; I guess I'll get it.
I was issued on DVD, yes.
Veteran filmmaker Juzo Itami spins this biting satire cum do-it-yourself video about the do's and don'ts of dealing with yakuza extortion techniques. The film centers on the posh Europa Hotel that lost a big conference bid to its rival; the reason was because gangsters were openly conducting business and harassing customers in the lobby. The hotel manager (Akira Takarada) drafts bellboy Wakasugi (Masahiro Murata) and pudgy middle manager Suzuki (Yasuo Daichi) into the heretofore non-existent yakuza task force. These two nice guys have no clue how to handle their sneering, loudly dressed adversaries. Paying them off only results in them demanding more money, and talking to them results only in a hail of insults. Enter Mahiru Inouye (Itami's wife Nobuko Miyamoto) -- a gutsy lawyer who is intimately familiar with Japan's newly installed anti-racketeering laws. Bribery, she tells the pair, won't stop their problem -- recording equipment, surveillance cameras, and a little backbone will. When asked if the yakuza might whack them for their defiance, Inouye laughs it off, arguing they won't risk jail killing a non-yakuza. In spite of their abusive language and menacing leers, they are first and foremost businessmen. This film proved to be so accurate about how to thwart mob shakedowns and so unflattering to the yakuza (who are used to being portrayed as latter-day samurai), that days after this film was released, Itami found himself on the receiving end of a gangland knife attack. The pugnacious director wore the resulting scars on his face as badges of honor.
273: Ahem. Worth looking into.
re: 275
Yeah, it's totally great. The yakuza extortion methods -- fake fascist rallies and the like -- are also very funny.
BTW, if you like Itami Juzo, you should see The Family Game. He didn't direct it, but he appears in it, and the satirical style is much like his. Strangely hard to find.
I love Minbo too. Early on there's a great scene where Miyamoto temporarily gets some yakuza to leave by pretending to be one of them.
I thought Tampopo was a heist movie. What the hell did I download?
I would love to know how many people rented or downloaded "Crash" by mistake, and got a terrible shock when they realised that it wasn't "Crash".
Similarly, of course, "National Velvet"/"Blue Velvet" and "Mulholland Drive"/"Mulholland Falls".
From the canonical origin of m-fun, I give you in all immodesty:
Through a great deal of collective loss-of-self/transcendence, rather than good food and conversation, I imagine, though 'fun' is not the word that immediately springs to mind.
Context matters, alas.
The unfogged comment of which I am personally most proud is this one from the thread on the Spitzer scandal.
281: The boyfriend of a college pal watched nearly all of Quest for Fire before realizing that it couldn't quite be Chariots of Fire.
271: The translations of Aeschylus I've read translate the puns into new puns, which is somewhat disturbing since the translations are wildly anachronistic (one translation had a pun on "Jim Crow").
285: Do you mean Aristophanes? Not that there aren't quite puns in Aeschylus, but they aren't the wacky thigh-slapping sort.
watched nearly all of Quest for Fire before realizing that it couldn't quite be Chariots of Fire
I once showed up in a lecture hall an hour early because I had missed the switch to Daylight Saving Time. It was the same prof lecturing, but the subject matter was utterly unfamiliar. I got this panicked feeling that I should have kept up with the reading a bit more diligently, before I realized what was happening about 45 minutes into the hour. It was the closest real-world approximation of Shearer's American Dream I've ever known.
I once showed up in a lecture hall an hour early
I have done that, but realized before the class started that I didn't recognize anyone, and fled in terror of having unwanted and unauthorized knowledge enter my brain.
Also, you should indeed be proud of that comment, Knecht. I personally feel full of reflected glory (as should we all, I submit) just to have read it.
I was pretty proud of "Hef's Lump of Poo Movie" in the great porn titles (et alia) thread (first ever to break 200, 300, 400, AND 500!).
Also prideworthy: it's Standpipe Approved!
I also cracked myself up with my riposte to Apo's "People, people, people. Kate Beckinsale."
289.1: That was indeed a clever quip. It's right up there with apo's suggested title for a Christian porn flick, Cleft Behind.
One of my favorite Unfogged jokes goes from 75 to 93 on this thread. To refresh your memory, here's 84:
84
If by do this, you mean, run through the script from the joke, then sure. To recap:
One Jew says to another (for "one Jew" read Weiner, and for the sake of this joke, for another, read "slolernr")
"What's green, hangs on the wall, and sings?"
The other says,
"I don't know, what?"
The first Jew says, "A herring."
Now:
Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-24-06 12:29 PM
85
But a herring isn't green!
Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 02-24-06 12:30 PM
But really it's the whole exchange that's hysterical.
Independent video store around the corner from my old house had a 2 nights 2 movies 2 dollars deal, the catch being that they paired the movies: Hud and CHUD. Lair of the White Worm and Free Willy. First Blood and Little Darlings.
My suggestion in this vein was Snatch and Pecker.
NOW APOLOGIZE FOR THE DOUBLE POST
Minneapolitan's comment here reminded me of this great comment from back in the day:
297, you link that thread and you don't link noseflow's semaphore romance?
295: One does not praise noseflow. It's just not done.
281: My parents saw "Quest for Fire" under exactly the same circumstances, but laughed so hard that they didn't mind the mistake.
One does not praise noseflow. It's just not done.
One praises noseflow only if one wants to get in his pants, which is why...
OK, Q.E.D.
